Late Diagnosis

It's strange that most people tend to pick up on the 'good at maths/obsessive about numbers' part of AS. From what I know of two very probably AS sufferers in my life, they aren't obsessed by numbers. Doctor Who, ABBA and EVE Online - yes. Any trivia about those three, and I can have it answered within seconds. My own areas happen to be classical history, medical history, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer...

I'm not that wonderful at mathematics, but I'm okay when asked to check code and spot errors in something like a record entry. I can spot small patterns which build up into bigger ones. It's helped me at work, and I've had the good fortune to be able to write about it.

I've always found it really hard to break my routines, way before my diagnosis. I like things to be just so; my boyfriend has to try really hard to introduce me to new music or films, as well as trying new food. I've essentially eaten the same take out meal for the last two years, I just don't want to try anything new. I can get a bit fussy because of sensitivity issues. I think it tends to annoy people quite alot, but I'm not sure if that's because its geniunely annoying or if maybe people just don't understand how I do or prefer things? I can't really understand why I can't just make that break with every day things. For example, I really want to travel abroad, but I never act on it. I really want to go to Rome, but I'm completely phased by the idea.

When I wrote my last message it was meant as a corollary on my previous, not a comment on the message which has appeared between them since.

To get back to Raven's original question though, what I'm trying to say is that what we are good at is usually specialised, and we need to be more confident about this.

What we tend to lack is the everyday generalisations that non-autistic people live by. We shouldn't be trying to compete with them. And going over and over why we are different isn't productive.

Those who are overly narrowly focussed should try to broaden their interests if at all possible, by finding things they are a little less interested in on which they can still focus - play off ability to focus with greater usefulness.

Go for living by what we can do.

Hope said:

 But I don't have any significant sensory issues so I can't identify with peoples' dislike of certain shades of light or clothing or anything like that. The only 'sensory' issue I have is that I can't read when it is noisy because I get distracted. Is it possible to have AS without having any major sensory issues, or even none at all? 

I don't think my brother has sensitivity issues either. I do and they are such a pain at times. Ideally, right now, I need to hibernate. I can not go out in this weather. It is so physically painful to do so.

. But I am very high-functioning and can pass for 'normal'.

I can too. I once had someone tell me I don't have Aspergers. I actually have a lot of the symptoms. With the exception of one, they have nothing to do with the other conditions I have. (but I have been told that some people are hypersensitive to light for no reason)

I think the notion that a maths or computing aptitude defines aspergers/hfasd is a myth. It probably has more to do with being focussed, and the kinds of things that are attractive to highly focussed minds include certain numeracy or computing problems.

There seem to be people on the spectrum going to university with the notion they have an aptitude for mathematics or computing, when in reality they have an aptitude for SOME aspects of mathematics or computing. Being able to write games packages may not be enough to get through a degree in computing which requires a range of computing skills extending well outside a person's special interests.

I'm strong on some aspects of visual spatial processing but truly appalling at others - hand-eye coordination is grim. I can interpret images and have a strong pictorial memory.

However, to use an apt metaphor "I cannot see the wood for the trees". In examining a landscape or a picture I see an amazing amount of detail, but I often miss the broad picture others get instantly. I have to study the scene for a while, analysing it until it makes sense. That takes time. So in one sense I'm useless at it. On the other hand my capacity for detailed analysis means I spot things most people miss.

That is, my skills are not necessarily the right skills for everyday use, but they have specialised uses.

And that bit Hope says about finding objects in space even if straight in front of me, is very true. One manifestation is finding a book on a bookshelf. I know it is there and invariably it is there, but I can never find it when I want to.

That is a possibility, although in my case I think it can all be explained by the asperger's. Have you heard of non-verbal learning disability? People with it have really bad visual-spatial skills and are poor at maths, but their verbal reasoning skills are excellent, although comprehension for fiction is often poor.  I read about it on an American website but I don't think much is known about it in the UK . In the US it is considered a sub-group of aspergers. I think more research has to be done into individuals who obviously meet the main criteria for AS but who defy the stereotype.

 I find it hard to find objects in space even if they are staring me right in the face, and I often get distracted when I am in the middle of a practical task like folding clothes etc. But I am excellent at other motor  tasks like playing tennis. I have an uneven profile and I am definitely a bundle of contradictions, which is why school called me an Enigma: very good at reading but with minimal comprehension, seriously bad at maths and organization, and emotionally immature.

i think i can explain the being bad at maths and visual-spatial reasoning, my daughter was diagnosed with dyspraxia at the age of nineteen she just couldn't grasp maths at all, and was always falling up the stairs. Even today she misjudged the counter top to put her elbow on when she was on the phone to me. She is at college doing a Foundation Degree in Sports for special needs people. So maybe you have part dyspraxia.

I have gone through a cycle with regard to my diagnosis. Pre diagnosis, when I found out that I have aspergers, it was like a watershed moment and it was all I could think about - it turned into an obsession. Being diagnosed just confirmed what I had found out already, although it was very important for me to have it officially verified. Now that I have lived with diagnosed AS for almost 4 years, I have discovered how diverse the condition is and how I do not fit the classic stereotype of someone with the condition. I can identify with other peoples' experiences because I share a lot in common with other aspies (we all have the same condition after all). But I don't have any significant sensory issues so I can't identify with peoples' dislike of certain shades of light or clothing or anything like that. The only 'sensory' issue I have is that I can't read when it is noisy because I get distracted. Is it possible to have AS without having any major sensory issues, or even none at all? Also, I am hopelessly bad at maths and visual-spatial reasoning so do not fit the stereotype here either.  My main issues are extreme anxiety, obsessive interests and OCDs, need to be in control at all times and to follow my own plan and routine, and find it hard to form meaningful friendships. But I am very high-functioning and can pass for 'normal'.

Because I am quite different from other aspies, I have lately revolted against the label a bit, although I still feel that it best describes my condition. But I don't always get on with other aspies, although I don't know too many!.

Hey,

Is the weather amazing lately or what? :)

I think from an early age I clocked on that I wasn't necessarily like other kids my age. I had very focused interests and wasn't particularly in alot of the same things my friends were. The diagnosis did explain alot, but truth be told I was always ok with who I am. I always liked the fact that I was different; I prefered staying in and reading a book than going out alot of the time.

I'm the same when you say autistic as you get older. I think my diagnosis really brought it out of me a bit more. It is hard to get used to, but at the same time, it is really liberating just being able to realise it. I haven't told many people except who I geniunely wanted and who needed to know. At work for example, my shop team know as does my area manager. But I don't want other shop teams or customers to know. I'm from a small town and I often worry that people will use it to make fun of me. There is always a lot of stigma attached to conditions you can't necessarily see. I want to try and avoid that. I live in a small town as well. A lot of people have known me for years and have always thought of me as a little odd, but I never knew until I went to uni that people could be nice and supportive. It's hard to try and break the expectation I've built up. I'm alot like my sister. The people we interact with, as far as we're concerned they are still the same horrible kids who threw stones at us on the school bus. Part of my overall issue is, because it took so long, I developed depression and anxiety as a teenager. It hasn't left me with particularly high self esteem. Couple that with AS, and it seems harder to try and get by. A couple of times recently at work, some people have turned round and said some really horrible things to me. I just want to tell them something, anything, just to make them see how they impact on me. I can't shrug it off like everyone else.

I wish I had known earlier. I think of myself as a strong person, but I hate how some people can make me feel a few inches tall. I once heard someone describe AS as social dyslexia and I wonder if I'll ever be able to get that esteem back or if I will be thrown by neuro-typicals.

Sorry for the ramble, this is me unloading. It's hard to try and describe this to people in my life. Except for my sister, no one else really understands.

I am a bit hacked off with how long it's taken for me to be diagnosed.  I do wonder why no-one ever noticed or asked me the right questions.  I can wonder how things would have turned out differently if I'd had proper support.

Another part of me thinks that I had to go through what I did to be the person I am...and despite being flawed I'm quite nice.  I'm an atheist but I do have an interest in philosophy and Nietzche said he would wish hard times upon his friends as they help you become a better person.

I also feel like I'm becoming more autistic as I get older.  Maybe it's mercury fillings ;-) or maybe it's just that I can't be a**ed pretending anymore.  Is it like that for anyone else?

I haven't told very many people...partly because they wouldn't understand and partly because I'm not sure if I'd be using the label as a badge.  I bring it up when I feel it could help.

Post diagnosis I'm still a very confused person

Best wishes to everyone, hope you're enjoying the extra vitamin D that's available today!

Hi,

I get those Aspergers or me moments all the time. The first thing I said to the doctor who diagnosed me was "I wasn't expecting it to be positive, but it does make alot of sense". 

It is hard to know that I'll never see things the same way my boyfriend or friends do. I always thought, I may not have the same interests as others at school and stuff, but I figured I'd grow into it or just not get it. I was happy to be different, I just didn't realise how different. It's a bit mind boggling. I keep wondering if I'd known could I have done better at school and done better at uni. It's hard to keep living in the past. I get angry sometimes, but there isn't anyone to direct it towards. I just don't know how I lived my entire life so far and didn't know or no one else knew and we have experience with it because my sister is the same. I find it hard to reconcile myself to it, but at the same time I also realise I'm quite lucky because some people may never be diagnosed and others have had to wait longer. KeanoLulu, do you feel angry about the length of time it took for you?

Thank you both for replying and sharing so much, it's great to know the community is here.

KaloJaro and Raven,

I'm 41 and recently diagnosed and I'm currently re-playing lots (and lots and lots) of situations in my head and having 'ah' moments. 

It's tough to realise you were never and will never be 'normal'.  I knew it really tbh, but still.  I'm trying to forgive myself for all the stupid things I've said and done.

One day I'd like to be all calm and zen and at peace with myself... ;-)

Hi Raven.

Kinda surprised one of the others hasn't pounced on you with 'welcomes' so I might as well say it: Welcome to the forum. :)

I was diagnosed with Aspergers a few months before my 18th, and I'm still coming to terms with it. Its hard, realising that most of the things I thought I'd grow out of, things that would improve with time, will probably stick with me for my entire life.

I also had the nasty shock lately of exactley how much I rely on my mum, for travel, company and support in general. Not exactley what you want to discover a few months before possibly moving to university....

To be honest, being diagnosed so 'late' it'll probably take both of us ages to come to terms with the full implications of it. I find I keep looking back at all my memories and try to categorize them into 'Aspergers' or 'me', do you have this at the moment too?