Published on 12, July, 2020
So I'd like to start off that I've finally been officially diagnosed (good lawd, finally!!), although was aware that I'm very likely to be on the spectrum for a while now and viewed myself as an aspie girl for at least a year.
My little Cousin has ASD too, but the difference is that She's 7 and I'm 20. It's always been pointed out how eerily alike us two are, and I'm sure Asperger's is definitely one way which closely connects us.
Anyway, I've recently read a piece advising parents on what to do if their child has a meltdown, and one thing that attracted my attention in particular was a statement that the child cannot hear you in that state (hence trying to talk them down is to no use/the child is not ignoring them). And that brought my memory back to a certain unpleasant incident……
So I've mentioned my little Cousin is autistic. And it was just one of those moments when she struggled to communicate what she wanted and got difficult. I think it was over a toy. And I, who was present there, got accused of being unhelpful - whilst in reality I was sooo confused at what's even going on. Unfortunately, reacting to false accusations is one of my major weak points and I flipped out too… But whilst my little Cousin luckily just throws things and sometimes cries, my meltdowns are violent and always center on self-harm…
And here's another thing. My family who know something about my (no longer just potential) autism are either in denial or very sceptical, taking it for granted that it's just “yet another excuse”. And Uncle, despite having an ASD child, is in there.
Because Auntie and Uncle are still rather new to this (maybe it's been just over a year since their child's own diagnosis?) it doesn't seem to occur to them that every person with ASD is different, and of course what my little Cousin doesn't do, if I was an aspie couldn't do either.
So back to the incident. Uncle seeing me slapping my head just laughs and encourages to hit myself harder, and adds that maybe I whack the radiator too? Aggravated, I get even worse and I actually do all this stuff. I get yelled at but don't even remember what anymore. After I don't know how long I'm eventually burned out, but also there's lot of blood. I've cracked my head open (again…) and my nose is bleeding all over too. The whole bedsheet is sprayed with my blood, there are 2 puddles of it on the floor too. When I later get to look at my face in the mirror, it's covered in blood and bruises, quite a sight really. But all I hear is how selfish I am…… And how I don't have autism because words don't get to my little Cousin when She has a meltdown, yet I did exactly as I heard...
I really want to go back to London hell away from there, but they force me to stay, arguing it would be “selfish” if I left now.
Awful really. As soon as I got to catch up with Parents, I actually burst into tears telling them what happened, and Mum actually fell out with my Auntie (her sister) over the phone. My Father is mad too. They recommend I really don't visit again. I can't help but to agree it's not a good idea, after all who goes somewhere they know they will be mistreated, even though I love my two Cousins so much (I'm an only child myself…) and I really wish to spend time with them… :(
Well, but the main thing is here. Is it actually true that Aspies are supposed too be too zoned out during a meltdown that they're not supposed to hear anything said to them? How would you explain then that I did make out something, even though I am a “real” aspie too (no longer just self-diagnosed, thank goodness)???
Hi Alisha, welcome to the forrum. I'm new to this would myself. A month ago I had no idea what autism or Asperger's was. As soon as I stumbled across Asperger's LOTS of little previously unconnected things suddenly fit. I'm 44. I'm still processing it. I see it as a good thing, it's like a layer of self awareness that most don't have. I've just started the process for an official diagnosis. I already know the results.
In terms of how much I hear I'd look at it differently. I describe my Asperger's as a force I've never seen before that steps forward under certain stimulii. It controls my action, reactions, what makes sense and what doesn't. I hear everything, but understand different. Things that make sense normally may not at those times. The desire to communicate is still there but I don't comprehend the same, not make myself understood. This just fuels the engine. I wonder if that's why the general advice of "talk with them". It could also explain the "bring them back to safe knowledge". I'd look at this as trying to calm the storm so you can regain control.
If literal understanding is a thing, being told to harm yourself is something that's gonna make sense when you're not in control.
I don't think that meltdown is really a precise term. For some people a meltdown is an attack of red mist, a complete loss of temper, losing control. For other people it may be much more like an epileptic seizure, i.e. a much more profound and serious thing.
Equally, people think of their autism differently, for me it is there 100% of the time. It affects my ability to make sense of and to make sense to other people. I do get waves of increased sensory issues and I do get passing moods that affect my interactions even more profoundly but the autism bit is a constant underlying and immovable thing.