Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi. I'am a 29 year old male, I think im on the AS somewere but undiagnossed. I got diagnossed with dyslexia at age 24. I feel down about it tbh, I just cant doo other humans or small talk or backstabbing in the workplace. I get incredibly frustrated at work and Im always fearfull I let what I think of people out as in the past I called someone a corrupt c**t and got sacked. I think Im really tolerant but when someone winds me up I just cant bite my tongue. I feel quite misanthropic in outlook basically.
In my opinion im of average intelligence. I've been completely addicted to listening to music since I was about 12. I literally own thousands of records and when I was younger I seriously couldnt concentrate on anything other than whatever song I was addicted too. At one point I was a apprentice engineer but just couldnt concentrate on anything other than music, I got through my apprenticeship but couldnt stand the working envirmonment. However I cant play an instrument as I cant really keep it co-ordinated.
I feel as though im always the last one to understand a joke. My repsonses to stimuli are really poor (slow). I feel that I cant express myself at all. I cant write emotion messages on cards, participate in drama. I cant have a phonecall in the respect that I cant gauge when to come in.
I have a 2.1 BSc (hons) degree in music tech (engineering side) which in my final year I drove 85miles each way everyday to attend. Which I think represents me, complete commitment if Im into something, but doing it alone. The 85 mile drive was ace as I didnt have to small talk. I can completly amuse myself and hate new social situations
The only person I can look in the eyes of is my partner of 12 years. I hate it when people at work try to get eyecontact.
So after that massively long blurb........................................Does any one behave similar? I feel embarressed about going to see the GP, I dont like the whole why do you want I diagnosis thing. It would make me feel like an attention seeker. Has anyone been through this kind of thing?
Sorry I am not clear it was not about formal diagnoses it was about ny Mother not acceptinng that I was Autistic.
A Psychiatrist recommended an Autistic school for me in 1966 when I was aged nine.
He did not explain to my Mother why he recommended the school or why he thought I was Autistic. He just told my Mother that the more able children help the less able children. My Mother wanted me to go to school to be educated not to help Autistc children.
I was at thact Local Primiary when I was five and we did not know it was going to workout the second time round. We were at our wits end not knowing what school to send me to.
I do not know which school I would have gone to if we had accepted that I was Autistic. When I was miserable at secondary school I think we forgot about the recommedation for the Autistic School. (The Secondary School was a Private Grammar School.)
May be I should have told the staff at my first secondary school that I should not be here at all and in an Autistic School
May be the school knew about the recommendation for a special school when they read my medical records.
As it was we found another Private school a bit better.
David