Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi. I'am a 29 year old male, I think im on the AS somewere but undiagnossed. I got diagnossed with dyslexia at age 24. I feel down about it tbh, I just cant doo other humans or small talk or backstabbing in the workplace. I get incredibly frustrated at work and Im always fearfull I let what I think of people out as in the past I called someone a corrupt c**t and got sacked. I think Im really tolerant but when someone winds me up I just cant bite my tongue. I feel quite misanthropic in outlook basically.
In my opinion im of average intelligence. I've been completely addicted to listening to music since I was about 12. I literally own thousands of records and when I was younger I seriously couldnt concentrate on anything other than whatever song I was addicted too. At one point I was a apprentice engineer but just couldnt concentrate on anything other than music, I got through my apprenticeship but couldnt stand the working envirmonment. However I cant play an instrument as I cant really keep it co-ordinated.
I feel as though im always the last one to understand a joke. My repsonses to stimuli are really poor (slow). I feel that I cant express myself at all. I cant write emotion messages on cards, participate in drama. I cant have a phonecall in the respect that I cant gauge when to come in.
I have a 2.1 BSc (hons) degree in music tech (engineering side) which in my final year I drove 85miles each way everyday to attend. Which I think represents me, complete commitment if Im into something, but doing it alone. The 85 mile drive was ace as I didnt have to small talk. I can completly amuse myself and hate new social situations
The only person I can look in the eyes of is my partner of 12 years. I hate it when people at work try to get eyecontact.
So after that massively long blurb........................................Does any one behave similar? I feel embarressed about going to see the GP, I dont like the whole why do you want I diagnosis thing. It would make me feel like an attention seeker. Has anyone been through this kind of thing?
Fitting in at work can be immensely difficult if you don't understand unspoken codes and gestures, which include being able to read information rendered more accessible by having eye contact and you are not able to produce this kind of information.
I've discussed these things with people who are dyslexic, and some AS problems are similar for dyslexia. That does set me wondering though if some people diagnosed with dyslexia have comorbid autism or aspergers (because certainly a lot of people on the autistic spectrum have dyslexia as well). However I've also found common ground with people with dyslexia who are sure they do not have aspergers.
Not being able to follow the threads of conversations, and therefore not able to understand jokes or tell whether it is banter or malice apparently affects people with dyslexia partly because of short term memory, and partly because they too have hearing behaviours that prevent them getting all the picture. These hearing behaviours may arise because they are diverting their attention to catching up. But yes it could also signify autistic spectrum
So don't necessarily assume aspergers or autism. Musical obsession could be musical obsession - a factor in many marriage break ups.
The eye contact issue is the observation that you make which stands out. But you need to get the right advice, and embarrassing as it may feel I think you have to take the next step. See your GP and ask to be assessed. And make use of this website, and perhaps get one of the books recommended.
Good Luck