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Confused about if my son has autism and desperate for answers

Louisville

Yesterday my son's teacher called us into school and quite high handily told us that my son is failing in all areas of learning. That he get very anxious when anything changes and that he was putting his hand in his mouth all the time as a comfort I suppose. She said she had told him he can't do that as the other children had started to notice and he had stopped that behaviour. She had previously advised that he had a speech delay and he is on the list for speech and language therapy but now she has advised the waiting list is to long and we must go back to our GP and request an appointment with a padiatrician so we can been seen quickly. She advised that he is socially undeveloped and only really plays with one other boy who he is very close to and who speaks for him a lot which she say hinders his development further. She also said that he cannot follow instructions for example if she tells the children to go get there coats he will stay seated while all the other children do as instructed. He is never any trouble in the way that he doesn't have tantrums at school or at home. Now I have read here that behaviour at home and school can be different but I will be honest when I look at how he is at home to what she is describing I feel like she is talking about someone else. It doesn't seem to me like how different behaviour is described on this website. My son is very loving with his family he doesn't seem to have a lot of anxiety. He is funny likes to tell jokes and loves to play games with you sometimes he tires you out wanting to run around with you playing hide and seek and Chase. He has a couple of cousins that he loves to see and always asks to go play with them. He does worry about trying new things sometimes for example he got a new bike for Christmas and was a bit wary of it but once I took him out a couple of times he loved it. I just can't reconcile this home life with his school life. Could anyone give me an insights that would help me understand I am so upset by the whole thing. My son is only in reception and he is one of the youngest in his year. At home he shows an aptitude for his work at school in as far as he seems to understand it. Even the delayed speech came as a shock because he has always been so chatty and easy to understand at home.

  • its quite understandable you are anxious about this. And i know where you are coming from. I had a freind who said from when my daughter was 2 years old that there was something wrong because of how she was playing but we told him he was talking rubbish. I didnt want to believe it either. It was only when we took her to the doctors and he refered her to the child developement center that we got the results. Some children can take a while to settle into any environment agreed and he may need a while to settle in. The school dont sound too helpful I have to admit which is why it is advisable to get a second opinin and set your mind at rest and at least have something which will allow the school to act the best interest of your son no matter what is wrong if anything is. Even if it is time he needs to settle in then at least you have the doctor to verifie.

  • Yeah that's what has upset so much about all this I had no concerns at all before he started in the school system. I feel like he is shy and takes awhile to settle in but the school system is set up in such a way that doesn't allow for this.  As a toddler he was with me full time as I didn't work to stay at home with him so he has away had me to protect him we did go to a lot of toddler groups but again I was always there as security. He went to nursery 3 hours a day last year to get ready for school and that was the first time he was alone. I just feel like they are expecting to much of him and not allowing for a shy person to find there way. I am shy myself and find that people write me off quickly. When he was little and now he is very chatty makes good eye contact. He is funny and always seems to understand everything we say to him and answers appropriately.  He is affectionate with his family loves getting and giving hugs tells us he loves us. The child they describe is vastly different to what I see. He has always taken an interest in other children and playing. He makes up his own games and gets everyone involved. The teacher never used the word autism.  I feel that with how urgent she made it seem that we had to get medical help and what she described that was what she was getting at. I don't think teachers are actually allowed to say what they think it is. I am certain that what I am seeing doesn't fit with what they are saying but I can't get it out of my head now and I just don't feel any better about it. 

  • Hi Louisville,

    Thanks for letting me know whats happening. Has the teacher mentioned their concerns about Autism. The reason i ask is that most teachers in mainstream schools and such dont really get taught to identify Autism and dont know much about it. We got our daughter into pre school as she was going through her assessments and the teacher said they didnt have the resources to look after her. So once the assessment was completed and we got final diagnosis we were able to put her in a special school. Its worth noting at this point that my daughter has learning difficulties too and non verbal although Autism can vary vastly between children and no child is affected the same and some can go through mainstream schools quite happily and can get good jobs. Autism can start to become noticable from the age of two and it is usualy the parents that can spot the first signs like making no or little eye contact etc. But Autism may not be noticed at all untill there is a change in a childs life such as starting school or moving house that can trigger symptoms. All I can say is maybe get a second opinion with another doctor and mention your concerns of Autism. Like I said earlier, he may not have Autism and could be something else but it is best to get it checked out.

  • The Doctor refused to refer my son to a pediatrician. We told him what he was like at home and he said he wasn't going on what someone who sees him for 6 hours a day has to say about him.  He was not impressed by us being told by her to get him referred. He said if we had no concerns (which we didn't before this) then he could see no medical reason to make the referral. I was happy about this at first and told the teacher exactly how I felt about the whole thing and how it was all very upsetting. The doctor said that the teacher needs to build up his confidence in the school environment as he is obviously unhappy within it. I am still very worried though why is he upset and what are they going to do next. I have lost faith in the school and his teacher and I am so stressed out. He is on the list for a speech and language therapist which I will leave him on but obviously that takes a while. I still feel like there is nothing going on with him but I don't know what to do now. He is a shy boy and I think the teacher is putting to much pressure on him.  He is one of the youngest in the class and it seems they don't allow for children that take a little longer to settle. 

  • Yeah everything will be ok no matter what. His diagnosis no matter what it will be will provide answers for you. If your son is diagnosed with Autism you have everyone on this websit to give you the support and help you need. Please keep us informed.

  • Thanks so much I needed to hear that the teacher really upset me.  When she said he was failing all learning areas my heart sank. Like your daughter my son is a little ray of sunshine he is so happy and loves his family.  He is my world and I just feel so worried at the moment. I am dreading the GP appointment and everything else just wish I had the answer now. I am glad to hear how great your daughter is though gives me hope all will be OK. 

  • He wont struggle as such. Children and adults with Autism are amazing people with their own unique values. If your G.P reccomends he goes for an assessment, this can take up to six weeks to complete the assessment. its not a stressful assessment but will be thorough. do not worry at all. I was quite shocked when my daughter was diagnosed but she has been such a dream to be with. she is such fun and to be honest no different to any other child with the exception of a few things. she has her routines and habits and can be quite anxious if things change but on the whole she is so happy. I managed to find a course called an Autism awareness diploma which i got through wowcher. it is accredited trough the centre of excellence and believe me it opened my eyes. Autism is truely a fascinating condition and not one to be worried about.

  • Hi thanks for the reply I am in shock at the min. I really didn't see this coming.  I didn't even think he had a speech delay to be honest he has always talked to us a lot and I have never felt he didn't understand anything I say and he has always seemed to understand what he has said to us very well.  I am so confused. We are going to the GP this week his teacher has told us we have to get him seen and referred to a pediatrician straight away. I am so frightened I love him so much I don't want to see him struggle. How do you get on with your daughter if you don't mind me asking?  Did you have a clue or was it a shock as well? 

  • Hello Louisville,

    Autism can effect children in vastly different ways and every child with Autism is different. He may not like the changes at school as there are many different things he has to do at school. Autistics children can often benefit from rigid routine and as part of this they like to know what will happen next. Sometimes this may mean explaining beforehand what will happen or even having a picture board showing what will happen during the day. They dont like surprises! as this can often upset them. Your routine at home will be familiar to him as this is constant so he is aware of what is likely to happen. From what you are saying there does seem to be some traits of Autism in him. I am not saying he has as there could be a myriad of things it could be. As far as speech patterns go, there are two types. Receptive speech patterns, this is how the child can relate to and understand what has been asked of him/her and expressive speech which is how well the child can express himself. these areas can be very difficult to determine because they can be linked together. for instance he may repeat what you say but may not fully understand what you have asked of him. If you have any concerns please consult your G.P now as he is at the age where interventions can be put in place to help him cope. I hope I have not worried you too much. If it helps my daughter was diagnosed with Autism when se was 4 yrs.