Confused about if my son has autism and desperate for answers

Yesterday my son's teacher called us into school and quite high handily told us that my son is failing in all areas of learning. That he get very anxious when anything changes and that he was putting his hand in his mouth all the time as a comfort I suppose. She said she had told him he can't do that as the other children had started to notice and he had stopped that behaviour. She had previously advised that he had a speech delay and he is on the list for speech and language therapy but now she has advised the waiting list is to long and we must go back to our GP and request an appointment with a padiatrician so we can been seen quickly. She advised that he is socially undeveloped and only really plays with one other boy who he is very close to and who speaks for him a lot which she say hinders his development further. She also said that he cannot follow instructions for example if she tells the children to go get there coats he will stay seated while all the other children do as instructed. He is never any trouble in the way that he doesn't have tantrums at school or at home. Now I have read here that behaviour at home and school can be different but I will be honest when I look at how he is at home to what she is describing I feel like she is talking about someone else. It doesn't seem to me like how different behaviour is described on this website. My son is very loving with his family he doesn't seem to have a lot of anxiety. He is funny likes to tell jokes and loves to play games with you sometimes he tires you out wanting to run around with you playing hide and seek and Chase. He has a couple of cousins that he loves to see and always asks to go play with them. He does worry about trying new things sometimes for example he got a new bike for Christmas and was a bit wary of it but once I took him out a couple of times he loved it. I just can't reconcile this home life with his school life. Could anyone give me an insights that would help me understand I am so upset by the whole thing. My son is only in reception and he is one of the youngest in his year. At home he shows an aptitude for his work at school in as far as he seems to understand it. Even the delayed speech came as a shock because he has always been so chatty and easy to understand at home.

Parents
  • Yeah that's what has upset so much about all this I had no concerns at all before he started in the school system. I feel like he is shy and takes awhile to settle in but the school system is set up in such a way that doesn't allow for this.  As a toddler he was with me full time as I didn't work to stay at home with him so he has away had me to protect him we did go to a lot of toddler groups but again I was always there as security. He went to nursery 3 hours a day last year to get ready for school and that was the first time he was alone. I just feel like they are expecting to much of him and not allowing for a shy person to find there way. I am shy myself and find that people write me off quickly. When he was little and now he is very chatty makes good eye contact. He is funny and always seems to understand everything we say to him and answers appropriately.  He is affectionate with his family loves getting and giving hugs tells us he loves us. The child they describe is vastly different to what I see. He has always taken an interest in other children and playing. He makes up his own games and gets everyone involved. The teacher never used the word autism.  I feel that with how urgent she made it seem that we had to get medical help and what she described that was what she was getting at. I don't think teachers are actually allowed to say what they think it is. I am certain that what I am seeing doesn't fit with what they are saying but I can't get it out of my head now and I just don't feel any better about it. 

Reply
  • Yeah that's what has upset so much about all this I had no concerns at all before he started in the school system. I feel like he is shy and takes awhile to settle in but the school system is set up in such a way that doesn't allow for this.  As a toddler he was with me full time as I didn't work to stay at home with him so he has away had me to protect him we did go to a lot of toddler groups but again I was always there as security. He went to nursery 3 hours a day last year to get ready for school and that was the first time he was alone. I just feel like they are expecting to much of him and not allowing for a shy person to find there way. I am shy myself and find that people write me off quickly. When he was little and now he is very chatty makes good eye contact. He is funny and always seems to understand everything we say to him and answers appropriately.  He is affectionate with his family loves getting and giving hugs tells us he loves us. The child they describe is vastly different to what I see. He has always taken an interest in other children and playing. He makes up his own games and gets everyone involved. The teacher never used the word autism.  I feel that with how urgent she made it seem that we had to get medical help and what she described that was what she was getting at. I don't think teachers are actually allowed to say what they think it is. I am certain that what I am seeing doesn't fit with what they are saying but I can't get it out of my head now and I just don't feel any better about it. 

Children
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