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Will my recently diagnosed HF Autism/Aspergers 4 year old resent me for getting him diagnosed when he's older?

Izzer

My 4 and a half year old has just this week been confirmed to have high functioning autism. 

i don't really feel bad about getting him diagnosed as I'm hoping a diagnosis will aid understanding of him throughout his education. However he has been classed as quite mildly autistic and won't get a statement of special needs or whatever that's called now. I was told that as he is mild he will not qualify for the school to get extra funding for him which to be honest I was a bit surprised about as it's clear he will need additional support especially with social skills help. 

He is super intelligent and hyperlexic he can read totally freely and the other kids in his reception class are only just getting to grips with reading books with only three simple words in them. He has an amazing memory and has certain fixations which have morphed through the years ie. Washing machines, fans, robot vacuum cleaners and most recently cars (hooray something his class mates can relate to at last!)

He is not shy and tries his hardest to be sociable but is very clunky in his approach with peers.

My question is because he has been seen to be mildly autistic do you think he will resent me for getting him diagnosed when he is older? Or do you think he will be happy as it will  mean he can understand himself more and embrace his uniqueness?

The fact that he apparently won't receive any additional funding for the school to support him in education makes me wonder if it's worth getting him officially diagnosed or if the fact we know he has been assessed as being on the spectrum is enough  Will an official diagnosis really benefit him throughout his education? Are there laws protecting him if he's officially diagnosed and proper protocol the teachers have to adhere to if he is officially diagnosed as opposed to unofficially? If you see what I mean?

Are there any adults out there who had been officially diagnosed as a child and wish they weren't and that just knowing without an official diagnosis was enough?

Sorry I'm rambling on now! Thanks for looking. 

  • Thanks for all your answers. It's really helpful. It's made me feel a lot more comfortable with getting the diagnosis made official. It was my gut feeling to from the beginning but I'm really glad I sought some advice here before it is made official. Thanks again. 

  • Hi,

    I was diagnosed 2012, I'm now 40. I was told I'm Atypical Autistic.  

    If I had known when I was younger perhaps my Mum would have understood my behaviour as a child/teenager. She is the one person apart from my best friend who knows me well.

    I ended up homeless for two years because I couldn't stand boundaries.  

    I went on to have a Son who is severely Autistic.  Looking back, I needed help at school to stay focused. I found the work boring the environment nosey. Was excluded often.

    My social skills we're ok once I got my own flat/space. 

    I do think I wouldn't have had my son if I knew all through my life I had Autism.

     My Son is beaut but I have found life to be very difficult.  He is severely Autistic.

    He will be greatful hopefully because he will understand himself better then those who stumbled through life being socially awkward,Isolated sometimes misunderstood.

    Autisim is something he has it doesn't have to define everything he does.

    But what will help is genuine support from family who love him.  This can give him confidence to socialise outside.

    Plus make decisions later in life that don't make his life overly difficult.

    Starstruck

  • As far going for a formal diagnosis, for Asperger's syndrome, I did, when I was in my forties, and it really would of helped if it had happened during my childhood. My mother tried so often to get help, but basically in those days - if she was not a bad mother, I was most certainly a bad child.  

    As for only having mild autism, a Juniour Doctor once told me that this was the case, and reported me to the senior doctor for utilising services that, in his opinion, I did not deserve. The senior doctor just so happened to be my regular GP, and had to wise the JD up on the difference between behavioural diagnosis, and a psychological one - in that the JD did not have the relevant experience with both. Bless him.

    It is as if we all driving cars with L-Plates it seems. 

  • He sounds just like my son! He could read well when he started kindergarten. By 2nd grade he was correcting teachers on their grammer and assisting his older brother  in 5th grade with his homework then fonished high school at 14. Honestly he was the easiest kid to raise. He has his own social challenges as well as depression issues. During the beginning of puberty everything was a debate, but if is was the logical correction he was accepting.

  • I don't think he could logically resent you. It's how he was born. If you hadn't have pushed for assessment, it's more than likely a school would have forced you. As they just think about the chances of receiving extra funding. To benefit their school. It's become a very common issue in schools these days. With many teachers being primed to report suspected 'cases'. They may even have involved children's services if you'd have refused for him to be assessed.

    Knowing can help you deal with future issues. Keeping your bond strong. As you will know why certain behaviour develops & what you can do to help. You will stay his first go to for support.

    But I agree that you need to be really careful about who you share his diagnosis with. Especially until he can fully decide for himself.

  • Hi,

    I don't feel he would have any resent for you pursuing the diagnosis. I wish I had been diagnosed much younger (Diagnosed at 49). I would be a bit weary about letting other people know as there will be people who will pickup and potentially exploit your son's social weaknesses. 

    I am not sure if there is much you can teach about social skills, though I remember my late mother telling me to look at people when I talked to them. It more about learning how to hide your differences, rather than learning social skills. 

    Best thing I feel when he is older would be to get him involved in some group relating to his interests (only if he want too). I was a huge fan of aviation, and I should have joined RAF cadets, it would have made a difference for me.

    I remember my struggles socialising when I was growing up, and my mum tried to help me. My mum passed away before my diagnosis, and it would have answered why I was struggling. Had we had known then, I think we could have made a bit more progress, and would have made our lives easier, but it would not have "fixed" my social weaknesses. 

    First time I have heard the term Hyperlexic, and I was ahead in my reading capability.

    Best Wishes,

    Random

  • Thanks for your reply. It's really nice to hear your opinion And your own experience of not being diagnosed. I do feel like you said that being formally diagnosed should hopefully help him understand he is the way he is because he has high functioning autism and I hoping he will embrace his uniqueness. I'm also hoping as we have had his assessed so early that early intervention with social skills help will have a big impact and help him learn the skills involved with making friends etc. I just hope I can find some local help with this as I don't really want to just leave it down to the school to arrange. I am very active at home with trying to teach him social skills but I think maybe some external social skills groups could be a big help! 

    Thanks again for for your reply. 

  • Hi Izzer

    I highly doubt there will be any resentment, if there are any negative feelings later in his life, they will be short-lived, understanding more about himself will aid him immensely through life.

    I personally haven't ever been diagnosed, even though I showed many signs when I was younger, the most I ever was ever investigated for was selective mutism. This meant when I started to become more self-aware as I got older I got very frustrated with myself for not being able to socialise and communicate with people as well as others. My parents questioned why I didn't have any friends like my brother who in contrast was very popular. I was regularly bullied and had many people ask me why I couldn't just be normal, a question I asked myself almost every day.

    I think if I had a diagnosis I would have looked at things differently, valued my achievements, saw the positive steps I took to try and integrate better even though it was so very difficult for me. In a way, I believe knowing there was something different about me, that was outside of my control, would have made me feel like less of a failure for not being able to socialise like everyone else.

    I can't answer a lot of your questions in the last paragraph as I'm not familiar with the relevant laws, but I can assure you that what you have done so far is in the best interest of your son and you shouldn't feel in any way guilty.

    I hope someone can respond and answer what I have been unable to. I also hope someone can provide you with the perspective you are looking for, rather than one of someone who wasn't diagnosed and wished they were.

    All the best

    Forest