Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone,
I'm in my mid twenties and finding things harder than ever. I really struggle with social skills and although I've always been told I'm "just shy" I've always known something is not right. Despite having outgrown the awkward teenage years I still find it incredibly difficult and confusing holding a conversation with pretty much everyone apart from very close family, even some friends I've known for years.
I've never been like other people, with strong interests and beliefs, not understanding or agreeing with social norms but recently become more aware of just how odd I am (must look for patterns in reg numbers, must always have car windows open even in January! etc...). I think I might be autistic but I'm terrified of going for a diagnosis to be laughed at and told l am just shy and a bit strange. I work with autistic people and although realise it's a spectrum disorder, I am nowhere near as affected as them. I think I probably come across as a little eccentric, lacking in self confidence and very shy.
I am really struggling with self confidence and self doubt and think a diagnosis would probably pull me out of the hole I've dug for myself; but am I just socially awkward, unusual, and looking for something to take the blame?
I guess I'm asking how autistic do you need to appear to get a diagnosis??!
I think the best way to look at this is to ask yourself the question: is there enough evidence to cause you to have serious concerns about whether you are autistic?
After all, if someone has pains in the chest, for example, or constant tiredness, etc., they see their GP. They know there is something out of the ordinary happening to them and to leave it could result in something worse happening.
If the answer is yes, and there is enough reason to think you may be autistic, then the correct course is to seek professional advice. Even then, it's not always that simple because I know of cases where a person has been convinced that they are autistic but have not received an official diagnosis because they were not considered 'autistic enough.' Yet, after trying several times the same people did obtain a diagnosis, so it's not black and white and can involve considerable strain and effort to resolve.
In your case you need to consider how much it is going to affect your life if you choose not to persue a diagnosis and that is something only you can decide, but if you think not knowing the truth is something you can live with then fine.
There are people here who have been glad they did gain a proper diagnosis after years of not knowing what their difficulties were being driven by, but there again, there are people who are quite happy to recognize their autism but do not feel the need to seek official confirmation, perhaps because they choose not to endure the stress of going through it.
Constantly dithering will just make things worse, so my advice to you is to make a resolution about whether you wish to do something about your concerns or not, and as soon as possible. If you choose not to seek help you might simply be putting things off and regret not taking action sooner. It's really an individual choice.
It sounds a bit corny, but you really have to be your own best friend and do what is in your best interests. Nobody else will do it for you.