Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone,
I'm in my mid twenties and finding things harder than ever. I really struggle with social skills and although I've always been told I'm "just shy" I've always known something is not right. Despite having outgrown the awkward teenage years I still find it incredibly difficult and confusing holding a conversation with pretty much everyone apart from very close family, even some friends I've known for years.
I've never been like other people, with strong interests and beliefs, not understanding or agreeing with social norms but recently become more aware of just how odd I am (must look for patterns in reg numbers, must always have car windows open even in January! etc...). I think I might be autistic but I'm terrified of going for a diagnosis to be laughed at and told l am just shy and a bit strange. I work with autistic people and although realise it's a spectrum disorder, I am nowhere near as affected as them. I think I probably come across as a little eccentric, lacking in self confidence and very shy.
I am really struggling with self confidence and self doubt and think a diagnosis would probably pull me out of the hole I've dug for myself; but am I just socially awkward, unusual, and looking for something to take the blame?
I guess I'm asking how autistic do you need to appear to get a diagnosis??!
Well, johnb0y, I'm following an online course in maths which you have to subscribe to and is conducted by this guy (called Jason) who used to work for NASA as an engineer who is a very good teacher. I say that because he covers every step and doesn't rush, frequently repeating and reminding you of points he has covered before to reinforce learning.
I'm at the point of learning about radicals and how to add, multiply and divide them, which is a bit confusing but gets easier the more you go over the material. I find Jason's way of teaching very engaging and interesting, which is why I have learnt so much. Another instructor might not have made me keep going back for more and being online, is available at any time of the night or day, so can be looked at at my convenience.
The course goes right up to the level of calculus, which I look forward to, but of course, you have to master the earlier steps before going on to learn that.
He also does other subjects, including physics and chemistry etc. and is covered by the same fee.
I know what you mean about being photographed, not that I really have a problem with my picture being taken, but I don't look to be photographed because it doesn't really bother me that much one way or the other.
It does get on my nerves that I stay in so much because although I'm not very sociable, I do get quite bored at times but there seems to be something preventing me going out and mixing with people. I think I would find it pretty overwhelming and although I might be ok for a while would get fed up and want to come back home. I don't feel a great need for socialising and generally prefer living in my own world via tv, books, the net, radio etc. How sad is that?
One slight problem I do have is that if I see something that seems a little askew I have to readjust it, then, readjust it again and again.
Also, I do have a noise sensitivity which at the moment isn't too bad but can easily be worsened by something like, for example, Guy Fawkes Night. I had a bad time when I was working due to having to work in a new area which I found terribly overwhemling and got very depressed and had to tell my supervisor there was no way I could work in there on a day to day basis. I really worried that they would give me an warning that if I wasn't prepared to work there it would cost my job. Fortunately, it didn't come to that, but nevertheless, was terribly worrying for me at the time and life was pretty horrible for some years until I retired.