New and getting diagnosis

So, I finally received my diagnosis report. It was very thorough. And, of course, confirmed what I knew To be the case. I anticipated feeling relief of some sort, but simply feel flat. Thanks for all of the supportive comments. At least now I know why I'm such a loner. LoL. Onwards and upward, eh?

Hi LMW

I read your post about being an alcoholic and just wanted to say that a couple of drinks in the evening is not the definition of an alcoholic I would agree with. If the first thing a person does in the morning is reach for a drink then they are an alcoholic. What you describe and I accept I have is a dependancy on alcohol. So I think you put yourself down by using that term and are being too hard on yourself. I have followed many of your posts and have been impressed by your compassion and empathy with others. An alcoholic only cares about where the next drink is coming from.

Take care, Laddie.

Oh dear, this sounds a lot like my life. The thing is alcohol helped in the short term, but I used to get depressed when it wore off, so I would drink more, it was just a cycle that eventually my already fragile mind could no longer take, resulting in a hospital stay for my own safety.

The second part of your assessment will involve doing certain things like reading a story with another professional, putting together a puzzle(really simple and no right or wrong way to complete it so don't worry), whilst the psychiatrist or other healthcare professional takes notes.

This is called an ADOS-Autism Diagnostic Observational Schedule, and really is nothing to worry about.

I had mine a few weeks ago and like you I was worried, but I coped, you will to.

Hang in there buddy, it will be ok

Oh and pixiefox I will look at those books too they sound interestin.

Blues

Hi Aspertic

You wrote: "It was almost like I had to justify myself."

This is how I have felt so many times in my life when dealing with NT people.

I'm in my fifties too and recently found out that me and my partner are aspies. We don't have a formal diagnosis - although I was offered one by my GP I decided it wouldn't make any difference to my life and I was wary of having to disclose things to a psychiatrist. But I accept that many people find a formal diagnosis a comfort. I worried at first that people might think I was making it up, but I've grown more confident in my ability to know myself and not care about what other people think. I read comments like yours and instinctively know what it feels like, because our minds work in the same way.

A couple of books have helped me understand myself and NTs better. They are: "Am I Autistic?" and "A field guide to earthlings - an autistic/asperger view of neurotypical behaviour". Also Ruby Wax's book " Sane new world" gave me ideas about how to deal with panic episodes. All are available on kindle if you're interested.

Dear LMW,  

if I'm reading you you're medicating a painful feeling of isolation with alcohol.  I get the impression you're a very private person.

despite the humorous scathing remarks you make about yourself those who've read your posts will know you as one of the stalwarts on this M.B.  You send out sound advice, good feelings to your fellow members.  You're a valued contributor here in my estimation.  

You have feelings of being on your own with it?  Yes, it's a painful feeling, however f.w.i.w. I think you've won friends here LMW.

Aspertic welcome to the community.  It's very hard to get away from alcohol and drugs - 6 months - you've done really well staying away from self-medicating despite the anxiety.          

At present you need to contain the anxiety so it isn't so overwhelming?

I'm very sorry to hear that you had the crisis - it must have been terrible for you.  Sending best wishes that this is the start of a new cycle of more peace and happiness.  

aspertic said:

 As I said, I became resigned to, "well, this is how I am, this is how it is to me". That eventually led to me attempting to kill myself, waking up very angry in hospital, being spotted by an alert professional and referred for diagnosis. At first I didn't like the idea, but it makes so much sense of the rest of my life.

I've never gone quite that far but I have had thoughts of suicide simply as a means to escape my 'prison' of isolation. It's like existing in a social desert when you know there are 'oases' of relief but don't seem to have access to them.

I wish I could say I wasn't an alcoholic but, well.....I can't.

I do have a couple of Tenents in the evening and when I have to go without get upset and feel there's nothing much to look forward to. Mainly boredom, I think, bourne out of having no social life whatsoever.

How sad is that?

Oh, dear. Double post & the rest of my original got wiped? Site a bit cranky?

As I was saying...I used alcohol and other drugs for years to try to stop the anxiety. I simply thought that I was bad / mad, etc. I became resigned to being mostly unhappy and not fitting in. I've been to a CBT based rehab for a few months & haven't had a drink or a drug for nearly 6 months now. This was helpful. As I said, I became resigned to, "well, this is how I am, this is how it is to me". That eventually led to me attempting to kill myself, waking up very angry in hospital, being spotted by an alert professional and referred for diagnosis. At first I didn't like the idea, but it makes so much sense of the rest of my life. There's a good book on Asperger's and Alcohol by Hendricx and Tynsley. My life is so similar to Tynsley's that it is uncanny. He describes a lot of his life and how he coped and bar the actual differences in location and careers, he could be describing my life!

Thanks, Tom. I do think it's a positive thing, just feeling v anxious about it