Published on 12, July, 2020
hi everyone,
i am in need of some help with the diagnose/ don't diagnose question. I have read a fair few posts about it and still have yet more questions!
My son is 7 and may be high functioning. He has plenty of traits but I worry that a diagnosis will mean allowances will be made for him which will ultimately make it harder for him as an adult - I want to give him a fair chance and the support he needs to live a happy and independent life as an adult.
i worry that laws about disclosure may change amd that attitudes can change. I'm not sure a diagnosis will get us any more support or any meaningful information about him that will mean we can support him better at home or school.
Can any anyone tell me what kind of information a diagnosis might give us about our son and what kind of additional support might be available? We live in the Thames Valley.
We went on the course with our local AS anod we think he is 'borderline' (!). We have worked v hard with boundaries and clear expectations and things are much better at home (we are hoping we are bad parents ha ha...)
my main concern for him at the moment is making and maintaining friendships.
Thank you!
I have read all of these posts with great interest. It is strange how everyone (in general not just here) deals with a diagnosis differently.
My entire aim of getting my daughter diagnosed was because, a: I knew she was Autistic and had done since she was one and b: to prove as you mention, that I wasn't a bad mother.
(Jane) was my first child and I thought I had been a complete failure. watching other parents drop their child off and collect them with a breeze. 'lets go home now' I couldn't get her out of the school grounds, but I also couldn't get her to school. Life has been very bad for us in so many drastic ways (Mother in law died 2014, husband ill for 5 years, died in May 2016). The added pressure of just being a bad mum was too much for me.
I am not sure of what an assessment achieves (I don't think I had that option). For me, it was about being able to support my child. If she is causing hassle when we are out (often happens), I just say 'sorry, she's autistic' and the judgemental faces change. I can say one magic word and eveything seems ok.
I know that (Jane) will now be offered support and will be given time to progress and not have high expectations of her that she can never achieve. As she becomes older she can choose to tell people if she is Autistic or not, but it is a disabilty and there are financial benefits to that, but also by law (as you rightly said, at the minute) she will be protected by them. She cannot not be offered a job if everything else fits.
From what I have seen those that have not been diagnosed are struggling to obtain proof as an adult.
Help is limited and our peaditrician apologised that they cannot do anything further once the diagnosis was given. But the schools have to help, and you can research. I was reluctant to put measure in place until I had one. What is the point of using techniques if they are not Autistic?
For me having the diagnosis was such a relief, I knew I wasn't wrong and didn't fail. Actually I even told my daughter (8) that she was Autistic and she jumped up and down, knowing there was a reason why she is like she is (she has started to notice differences between her peers). That relief was a good enough reason for me.
Good luck in whatever you decide to do.