Newly diagnosed.

BBB799 said:

 you shouldn't blame yourself

As I said before, there is no blame in this.

There is one point to learn though and that is that someone who does not realise that they have traits has the potential to be a very bad parent. Some of the adults on this site have been brought up by very unsympathetic parents who did not realise that their traits were making them into bad parents. I am not suggesting that any of the parents on this thread are bad parents - you are all concerned about the well being of your little ones - but everyone can benefit from understanding themselves better. Have a look at this thread community.autism.org.uk/.../could-my-son-have-form-austim for a bit more about this topic. (That thread isn't about being a bad parent, it's about being unaware of traits)

Harrysbatmum said:

After what seems like a life time, in reality 12 months we have a diagnosis for our 4 year old son. We found out yesterday so I'm feeling very lost. I know this doesn't change our funny, intelligent & loving little man. 

I'm relieved we have some answers & can get support for our little man at school in September. On the other hands I feel incrediably guilty, have I done something to cause this, could I have done something differently? What will the diagnosis mean for him, have we set him up for a difficult life? 

Can people advise me on what to do now? We've been told to arrange his DLA etc but what can de physically do? Family life is complicated his paternal grandfather lives with us & has dementia, as well as a 2 year old sister. 

Any help would be appreciated I'm not as okay as I thought.

Hi, We are sort of at the same stage with our 4 year old, just awaiting the final diagnosis. We have decided with the school to keep him in the nursery in September with perhaps a gradual introduction to reception class. I too am wondering what the future holds, it's obviously a huge concern for anyone, I think it's too early to say where he'll be next year, let alone in 10 years or so. Our son is also one of the happiest little boys you will ever meet, I don't think he has any idea what is really going on. As for the causes, there are some theories as to cause but nothing proven at all so you shouldn't blame yourself, it's one of those things that can happen.

dangermouse said:

Hi,

Our 9yr old was diagnosed yesterday im struggling to find a book to help me explain this to him as they all seem to be for the younger end. I have the nas booklet but would like something to show him as he responds well to pictures/ videos. Any advice please?

That's a bit off-topic for this thread - perhaps you might find something in this search community.autism.org.uk/.../"Martian in the playground" or you could start your own discussion thread?

Hi,

Our 9yr old was diagnosed yesterday im struggling to find a book to help me explain this to him as they all seem to be for the younger end. I have the nas booklet but would like something to show him as he responds well to pictures/ videos. Any advice please?

Anonymous said:

You should bear no guilt.

Abolutely 100% agree with that.

A lot of autism is inherited so you may be able to identify eccentric behaviour back through several generations. For me the diagnosis is the code that has unlocked the puzzle of my family's eccentricities. I don't hold my father, or his father, responsible for passing me this set of genes - they had no knowledge or understanding of it. My autistic genes have not stopped me from having a family or going to university - if anything they have provided me with a different way of thinking that definitely has its uses!

You should look into the earlybird scheme www.autism.org.uk/earlybird

You should also get to grips with being positive and consistent with him. People with autism respond well to positive reinforcement (much more emphasis on 'carrots' to reward good behaviours than on 'sticks' to correct bad behavious). We also get confused if you say one thing today and then something different tomorrow. If you need to make a decision then don't make a snap decision but make a decision that makes sense to him and that you can follow through with - if you promise him something then don't disappoint him.

You did not do anything to cause this. If there is indeed a cause it's not yet known. You should bear no guilt.

Paul

You just need to find the right people,  if you live in the Welsh area good person to also contact is a man called Jeffrey Cuthbert. He works for the Welsh government and he got the ball rolling for me.

Don't feel guilty, I was diagnosed at a young age but it took a lot of fighting to get where I am. My life is not perfect but my mum has done a lot for me. You have done the right step in getting him diagnosed, most peaple get diagnosed at much later age. But things are getting better, people have gotten a better understanding, still not purfect by any means. The nas have a better understanding on the matter, have you tried contacting them? They can point you in the right direction. Tell number Is at the bottom of this page.