Waiting for assessment as an adult

Sorry, I hadn't realised I'd hijacked your post. No idea about separating threads either. Thought I was starting my own. First time user you see. 

moondust69, this was my first post here and I'm a bit upset that you've hijacked it. However, I'm wondering if you just didn't realise that you were replying to my post - maybe you thought you were starting a new one of your own? I wonder if there's any way an admin could separate out the two threads (replies to me vs to moondust69), because my brain can't quite manage it :/

It's great you're comfortable and can articulate your needs. I struggle with saying how I really feel. I had a friend for 35 years but she got fed up with me when I'd hide behind the sofa if she knocked at the door or refuse to go clubbing with her....(my idea of hell by the way)! 

The facade is fading at work. I've been there two years and I think some of the people think I'm difficult. I work better when there's systems and processes in place. I'm also hugely perfectionist and get agitated if I don't understand something, to the point where I faked an illness just to get sent home so I can cry. Pathetic really isn't it. The good thing is for the most part, I work alone as I've got my own room. When it gets too much I just go in and shut the door. People ask me why the doors shut, I say it's because I'm cold.....even when it's 30 degrees outside!!!! 

Someone I work with has just gone on maternity leave. I used to dread when she was there. Her laugh was loud and deep....like a barking seal. My shoulders and neck used to be up round my ears when I was around her. I was a nervous wreck around her. She's such a lovely person too.....but that laugh.........

I've gone to the theatre and cinema before now on my own. That was an experience not for the faint-hearted I can tell you. People stare. It's nice to queue in silence yet being surrounded for all that chattering....that's awful. It's like they can't be quiet. 

I love music on headphones, films and books. 

When I'm a bit older, I'll dress like Vivien Westwood (amazing) and be surrounded by cats and alpacas....80% in silence. Bliss. 

I've never used forums before either, always thought they were a bit of a waste of time but this one is very refreshing as it's such a relief to know I am not alone in all this, there are other people out there just like me. And just knowing that people have the same 'quirks' as me is reassuring too!

We are very similar, I cry too when things become too much. It's like I can't cope with the overload, have a good old cry and then I'm pretty much fine again. I'm not sure if you have this too but I also have selective mutism where I will literally spend the full day in total silence, or giving one word answers. Before my diagnosis people thought I was being rude or ignorant but now certain people (those I care about) know they understand that there's nothing wrong...I just have nothing to say, and they leave me alone which is heaven for me.

I have very few friends too, I am very much a solitary person. I struggle to make friends as I can't do small talk or get to know you chit chat (and truth be told I don't really want to either) an if I do form a friendship then like you it is very short lived as I don't maintain it as I should. I like the idea of having friends but the reality is very different and I find it tedious and a struggle to carry them on. I have 1-2 close friends that know about my HFA and they accept that they might go 6-12 months without hearing from me, which helps me as it takes a lot of pressure off.

I have spent years trying to run from my love of solitary, I used to surround myself with 'friends' and try convince myself that I am really a social person. However as I have gotten a little older I have fully accepted that I prefer my own company and I like being alone and I can honestly say I am totally fine with this. I love spending time alone and prefer to do most things on my own, or with an extremely select 2-3 people such as my husband or my mum. My husband is very social and has a lot of friends he sees regularly. If he arranges to go see the boys I will opt to stay in with a bottle of red and a good book. He's always saying to me "why don't you see the girls?" and my response is always "because I don't want to!" I just like being on my own! We have 'couple friends' which is nice however as he is so social he usually takes the limelight which suits me just fine and our couple friendships seem to work on this basis.

Hi Peachi,

I'm so glad you've replied. I've never used forums before but now I have I'll continue. It's refreshing to know someone else feels the same. I feel so alone at times. Like no-one gets me. I'm a single mum with two teen boys on the spectrum. Most of the past 16 years has been shrouded in the black fog that is the SEN jungle (hell on earth), and trying to get the support my lads need. 

Going back to the noise issue, I need a detached house surrounded by horses, cats, goats, alpacas (love them more than alot of people). Absolutely no children/toddlers. 

I too am ok for short periods around people but I have to get away quickly if I feel overloaded. I cry when I get agitated and people think I'm weird. I struggle to make friends. I do try but then it doesn't last long. Some people can be intrusive. Maybe I should try and embrace this more rather than running from it. 

Hi Johnsb,

Thank you for your comment. I hadn't factored that into my decision making so I'm grateful you've highlighted this. I'll take more time to gather info.

I too am super senstive to noise, especially high pitched noise. My husband laughs at this weird high frequency that causes me actual physical pain...it drives me insane (I love him dearly though!) I can't stand the radio being on when I drive, children laughing/crying goes right through me and the hairdryer sounds like I am stood next to a jet engine. I struggle when there are too many noises too, like more than one person talking directly to me usually sends me into sensory overload and I just get so agitated.

And I also know what you mean about people annoying you, I am the exact same. Sometimes I can be okay around others for short periods, but other times the very fact that someone is breathing near me makes me want to punch something. I have zero to little patience with most people as they move too slow for my liking and i generall find people highly iritating (god I feel awful for saying all this but at least I am being honest.)

Hi Limetree84,

Seems we're pretty much the same; I'm a 31 year old female recently diagnosed with HFA and coping with my new diagnosis is anything but easy!

I saw a psychiatrist privately and had a few initial assessment sessions to see if I was suitable for the full assessment (at £2,000+ it's not cheap). However I was quickly identfied as having classic High Functioning Autism with the classic female trait of being able to mask my problem very very well, meaning that if you met me you'd have no clue I have autism (but much more than a scratch beneath the surface and you'd quickly see that I am not an NT!!) However, I was disuaded from paying for the full 8 week assessement for two reasons: 1) the standard autism test is geared towards children, men and low functioning autistics...of which I am none of these, and 2) as someone that is very adept at masking my problem I would almost certainly be able to 'bypass' the test and receive a negative score...leaving me with an epic waste of money.

I apologise for not being able to help you with the actual full assessment, however I can say that in my pre-assessment the psychiatrist I saw was very helpful, engaging and we built a natural rapport quite quickly as they took the time to allow me to say what I needed to say. They asked what had led me to seek a diagnosis, what I felt my symptoms were, how they affect me in my day to day life, how I feel abut certain things, do I have many friends, how do I cope at work etc etc and as my mum was with me they went into a detailed childood history. At times I became very distressed/tearful as I could not articulate what I wanted/needed to say but the psychiatrist was very understanding and took time to let me speak/compose myself. I am now having weekly sessions with my pyschiatrist who is helping me understand my diagnosis, giving me new ways of looking at things and providing me with coping techniques for when I have a meltdown.

I don't think I've been much help but maybe some of what I have said has been useful? Sometimes it's also just nice to know that you're not alone in all this :)

As I understand it, a private diagnosis isn't usually accepted by "the system", so may not help if you need to claim benefits, get any NHS support, or run into trouble with bureaucracy. If all you need is an answer, it's probably fine, but may not help if you get into trouble because of Aspergers in the future. That's why I'm going through the very slow NHS process. If I was younger, and just needed an answer for myself, I might have gone private, but as things are now, I'm concerned it may not protect me from things I may run into problems with.

It's probably worth checking this before you commit to spending the money.

Hi johnsb,

Thank you. So good of you to reply so quickly. I'm in Wiltshire and I've just found a private company on the internet who assess adults quite close to me which is good. I'm puzzled about many aspects of my personality but increasingly it's noise that bothers me. I'm stressed about doors banging, heavy footsteps and loud motorbikes etc, even if it's not happening at that moment, I'm worried it will soon, like an anticipatory anxiety.....drives me nuts! 

It seems that the assessment process varies a lot depending on where you live, but the one I'm currently going through in Wales doesn't seem to be anything to get too concerned about. The worst bit is going nuts waiting for it to start, which in my case took 15 months, with another 3 months before I get the results. So far, it's just been a session of being asked questions by the psychologist, who seems pretty patient. They need to know early childhood history, but will only ask family, or other people, if I can't tell them what they need to know, which unfortunately I can't, but I'm 60 so it was a long time ago. So it may be that non co-operative parents don't matter, but I think it depends on where you live.

I'm 46, female and think I might have Aspergers. Both my sons are Autistic. I have had problems with OCD and anxiety for as long as I can remember. Sometimes I feel really low and want to end things but my boys keep me going. I have to be around for them! I've not been formally assessed. I'd like to be but I'm worried about the assessment process. I think people at work think I'm over-sensitive, moody and a perfectionist....they're right, I am those things but it's because I care and want to do a good job (I'm a secretary). Recently I moved to a house where the neighbours slam doors. Its driving us nuts and when I'm at home, it's all I can think about. I keep waiting for it to happen. They also babysit young kids and I don't really like young children. If you say to people you don't like children they think you're an axe murderer!!! Everyone assumes we have to like toddlers......why is that?  That really p's me off about society. We all have to think and act in the same way otherwise we're outcasts.

 I just wish things and people didn't bug me quite so much.