Is autism diagnosis the end of the world?

Hi James. Only normal parents have anxiety about their children, because it's normal!

I'm reading this with some interest because I'm a diagnosed AS person and I brought my kids up as a single parent whilst working full time. Any parent will tell you how tough it can be with your first. I can tell you firmly that there isn't an honest person anywhere who will tell you any different. Parenting is hard, kids go through many stages as they grow, and you're having the experience for the first time. Be nice to yourself about it, we've all had to learn. I don't much like it, but these days I look after grandkids and to be honest, it's simple compared to trying to deal with adults!

Read Philip Larkin's poem - it's funny 'cos it's true and unavoidable!

www.goodreads.com/.../66966-they-****-you-up-your-mum-and-dad-they-may

Don't read what the 'experts' say as being definitive stages in child development, they're often wrong because they talk about averages and in my entire life I've never met an 'average' person. Some kids walk, talk and eat 'early', some 'late', take an average and it's neither - see what I mean?

Child development checks are good and if there is anything to pay attention to, they'll usually spot it and note it for future checks. If it's any consolation to you, I suffered the same degree of anxiety as you with my first-born, all of it wasted and all of it based on normal parental concern for our children and their future. How many people have asked the same question - 'what sort of world is this to bring children into?' and the answer is, almost everyone!

We often project our concerns for ourselves onto others, and I'm with 'Socks in suggesting that much of this may be more about yourself. I'd like to understand why you arrived at ASD, and to hear that you're exploring yourself a bit more, so I wonder if you've done an AQ test online?

Once we got the diagnosis then it was much easier to come to terms with although I knew from just over a year that he was different and slow at things but my partner didn't really believe it until he heard it from professionals but now we both know what he is like and starting to realise what he likes and dislikes so it's just getting by the best we can And getting the best support and education for him and that's what we are aiming for now. 

Thank you louSure. He is the same when doing something unless you are saying something interesting or there's music in the tv or something getting his attention is difficult (he never answers to his name). He does have eye contact when tickling and playing peekaboo etc. but it seems to be only when something interesting is happening. How have you and your husband been through all this, has it been something you've came to terms with now for the most part?

My son did not have any eye contact until about the age of 2 when he started a specialist nursery one morning a week still very limited though then at 3 when he went pre school it come on a lot more with people he knows. Now if he sees me when I pick him up or his dad or my mum and sister he will arm flap and then ask to b picked up but that's as far as It goes but if he is doing something it's very hard to get his attention and interact with him.

good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Thanks louayre, sadly you could be describing my son. It's hard to know what to think, we have HV in a month for a 15 month review. There are some signs of improvement so we will see where we are in a month and take it from there. One of the things that is confusing me is being told he does have good eye contact with wife's parents, I have been writing this off because I don't see it, then I saw him with granda today, loads of eye contact, back and forth babbling, these things are very rare with me. I don't know what to think.

recombinant socks, my score on the test was 25 somewhere up around 'borderline'. It's interesting because I have grown more confident and adept socially speaking, had i taken the test when I was younger I think my score might have been a bit higher.

Hi, personally I think that 14 months isn't too young to start to worry. My son done no hand gestures and no speech and wasn't even babbling! he had no eye contact he also lined toys up in a line all the time and wouldn't repsond to his name. He also walks on top toes n still does now. He also wasn't interested in playing with other children and all he would is pinch them and just line his toys up. He also started having melt downs when I took him to a playgroup from about 15 months and it was something to do with the size of the room and amount of children he just couldn't handle it! He also was very picky with food and still is only eats about 10 items! He also arm flaps if he gets excited and constantly runs backwards and forwards and loves jumping on his tip toes! We got referred to a Specalist when he was 19 months and had a diagnosis at age 2. He is now 3 year 8 month and still no speech or hand gestures still limited eye contact and no understanding. Still lines toys up in a certain way and fussy with food. To be honest he hasn't changed much since the age I became concerned. He now is at a pre school with one to one support and we are getting the educational health and social plan to get him into a special needs school next sept. I was also told by my own partner (sons dad) that I was being silly so when we got the diagnosis it was a relief so that people knew I wasn't going mad as it can put pressure on the family. Just wanted to say if you got concerns see your health visitor or someone at your local children's centre and they should transfer you. 

We are now just starting to notice what kicks him off he can be a very happy child but sometimes the melt downs are impossible to deal with but its just enjoying time when he's happy and doing things that he enjoys. 

Sorry for the massive post! 

As you say, it varies with the person. I have 3 degrees, have worked almost without interruption and only discovered I was ASD at the age of 56 when I realised that it wasn't normal to have the degree of stress and conflict that have marked my career. Other people are much more debilitated and some are perhaps debilitated by having a label applied to them!

It wouldn't surprise me if you had some degree of affect. Some of your answers have raised red flags to me! If you are curious then there is a free and simple test at http://aspergerstest.net/aq-test/ that will give an indication of whether you might be on the spectrum. If you come up positive then that should be OK as the knowledge should help you reduce your stress and anxieties. If you are negative then that is good too since it will be one less thing to worry about. (I score around 40/50 on the test and also have a psychiatrist's diagnosis so I am firmly on the ASD side of the fence.)

no I'm not aware of anyone in the family who has had any form of autism. As for myself I may have been anxious in social situations particularly as a child but I dont think it would be described as anything more than shyness. I did get cbt for my health anxiety which helped tremendously. It is just my sons behaviour (principally lack of joint attention skills) which have me concerned, perhaps I am overthinking but I do think he has many of the 'red flags' (information gleaned from the Internet so perhaps I am jumping to conclusions).

however, I think my question has been answered by you, you have autism and have children, this was one of my concerns..that my son might need constant care for the rest of his life, and not lead a 'normal' life ie have a job, live independently and have children of his own one day. i know there are varying levels of severity but if my son is diagnosed at some point then it certainly is not the end of the world. I do have issues with jumping to the worst case scenario so just having someone like yourself basically telling me not to get carried away so soon is a big help..thank you.

Hi James,

I really think that it would be a good idea for you to try and talk to someone about your reactions to the situation. If you suffered from anxiety then did you have help with that at the time?

Autism is often inherited so if you seriously thought that either of you, parents, were affected then there is a chance that he would have inherited the genes. (I can trace my tendencies back through several generations) Is this why you suspect that he may have autism or is it just his behaviour that makes you wonder? If neither of you is affected then it is quite unlikely that he is (I'm saying that based on a mix of statistics and my supposition that he is in fact actually a normal baby who isn't what you thought a baby should be like)

I'm speaking from the position of someone who has autism and who has successfully brought up two children. It was all a bit of a mystery to us and we worried (particularly with the first) and fretted and were amazed and thrilled at different points. Being a parent is not always easy but it's within the capabilities of 99% of people. You are more than 99 times more likely to be in the group of people who will manage than in with the psychos and maniacs who will be dangerous to their offspring. -  You are concerned and that is natural but if your concern is uncontrolled then you will make yourself ill.

Thanks for the quick reply. Yes he is young, certainly too young to be diagnosed, maybe I will just wait it out until the scheduled appointment, he has actually shown some signs of improvement in the last few days. I am quite distressed I suppose, I haven't really spoken to anyone. Your absolutely right this is my first child so I don't really have a benchmark, but he is certainly showing some worrying signs. I guess I'm most distressed thinking that I will not be up to the task of caring for my beautiful boy if he does indeed need a lot of extra support. I'm guessing that many people felt the way I do when they first started to have concerns.

No, autism isn't the end of the world.

14 months is certainly very early to be making a diagnosis. Children do develop at different rates and it isn't neceessarily anything to worry about. One month's wait will make no difference at all. I'm guessing this is your first child and you don't really have a good handle on what is normal or how different children vary.

Do you fear that your son has autism because you fear that you have it too?

You sound very upset and distressed. Have you spoken to anyone about these feelings?