Argh silly silly silly me

I have been in on friday to see the senco,however she wasnt in,but i left a note for her, i will get in and see her this week,thanks for all the advice guys,its good to know im not alone. xx

My nt son had difficulties with the scool toilets, when he started. He wet himself everyday, or refused to drink, resulting in an infection. This was down to teasing. I actually bribed him with collecting stickers, to get him to come home dry in his own trousers.

It also helped that his teacher let him go to the toilet when he wanted, during class, because it meant she didn't have to clean him up.  If your son's teacher is sympathetic, she may let him go before the other children, on his own, until the issue is resolved. It may be worth asking.

My own experience, years in retrospect, may not be relevant now, but I offer it as further insight into what I explained above.

Up to my thirties I had difficulty using a public urinal. I couldn't relax because of anxieties about it, and therefore couldn't "perform". This led to embarrasing situations of loitering in toilets simply because I couldn't find relief, or having to go away and try to find somewhere else. It has got easier in intervening years.

Cubicals in public conveniences are often occupied or barely fit for use.

I put a lot of it down to being bullied at school. My environmental reactions and potential to melt down were exploited by my peers.

Toilets were the worst of places. I was invariably jostled and subject to provocative shouts, hand claps and other sudden happenings aimed at getting me to react. So even getting to an empty toilet I was constantly apprehensive of anyone coming in who might have a go at me. So it is hardly surprising I continued to have this fear in later years.

So I do wonder to what extent it happens to children and teenagers in school nowadays. Toilets, changing rooms, communal showers are places where the teachers tend not to observe, probably for sound reasons, so it is where much bullying of people on the spectrum is likely to take place.

The sad thing is i dont know what it is, ive always assumed it was the hand dryer as he spent years being afraid of the hoover, its very hard to try and get a conversation out of him when hes scared about something.  Like the other day he screamed all the way to school because hed forgotten his reading book, breakfast club spoke to his teacher,when i asked what teacher says,all i get is forgotten.  Some things he has a very short memory span,like if we go supermarket and he asks for something,by the time we get home its totally forgotten about the thing we have bought, however on long term things his memeory is absolutely amazing!!!!! Like i lost a party invitation around three months ago, i had forgotten what date and time, he told me exactly what it wad and hed only looked at it once 3 months ago.  see i find this amazing,but at the same time hard to get my head around lol

Agree with what others have said, but wanted to add that I went through a stage of being very afraid of the flush, until how it worked was explained (and shown) to me.  Could that be it?

Also can he use the lock?  Maybe a talk about how you'd get him out if it did get stuck?

Thanks longman,he uses a cubiicle because they dont have a urinal,i did assume that he had the problem because of me,however what you describe would make sense. Hes always always had a problem with using toilet outside of home and school anyway,i presume due to the handryer.

Its good too see it from another perspective,as obviously ive never had to deal with this before x

Is bullying underlying this difficulty? If his peers were on hand to make fun of him using it with the door open, possibly they are behind his problems closing the door.

There is a problem people on the spectrum have with doors, if the latch/handle works in the opposite direction of obvious. Someone on the spectrum has a good chance of perceiving the door to be stuck, when it isn't. That could have started it, for example if he was convinced he was locked in, and other kids noticed his distress.

Also kids enjoy tricks like holding the door closed, or tying two doorhandles together. He may have been locked in as a joke, reacted entertainingly, and it has become a way of ribbing him.

Secondly why is he using a cubicle, apart from the obvious, if lets say... he doesn't need to sit down. Is he scared of peeing in the open. One of the places you are vulnerable is in an open urinal environment, where you are easily targetted.

Bullying in the toilets, gym and sports changing rooms, shower rooms is often particularly bad as it is out of site of staff.

He could easily have become scared from his reactions to teasing that have reached a point making him almost paranoid about using a toilet.

Hence I'm not sure that homilies about having to learn toilet ettiquette are relevant here. Things may have happened to really alarm him, and cause him to adopt unusual strategies to deal with it. 

I wish there was greater undertstanding of these issues.

Thanks guys xxx

Maybe a step by step approach might help?  How wide open is the door?  You cd agree with him to inch it a bit each time he used it.  You cd practice with your toilet door at home so he cd have the experience in a place he felt safe.  You cd explain to him about why privacy + safety are important.  If he can get comfortable shutting the door + later after practicing again at home, locking/bolting it then he can transfer that experience hopefully to other toilets, perhaps with your help initially such as the 1 at the Drs or 1 in a shopping ctre?

He has to learn sooner or later doesn't he? Can you persuade him that he is safer if he locks the door? If he carries on like that at school then he will get bullied. You could tell him that it is OK for little children who need help to wipe their bottoms but it is not OK for older children. He has to know that it is not acceptable or safe to show anyone his privates.