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Argh silly silly silly me

mumof4boys772

I need help om combatting this please, we are still awaiting diagnoses for my son, (hfa) if he gets it,however we have always always had a problem with toilets,its very very rare he will use one outside,hes 7 now,anyway ne day i managed to get him into a disabled toilet and said i had to lock the door as i wanted a wee too,i realised very quickly he was not happy with this and havent done it since.

However on the odd occasion that he will use a disabled toilet, he will not shut the door, i have to hold it open,i had to do it at the doctors the other day,stading there holding the door open whilst he had a wee, i know he will use this one as its a one man toilet,so nobody else can get in it to turn the hand dryer on!

He went into the school toilets the other day and sat with the door open and the kids came in and took the mick out of him.

Anyway should i continue holding the door open? i have tried explaning several times.

How would you deal with this please?

Parents

  • Is bullying underlying this difficulty? If his peers were on hand to make fun of him using it with the door open, possibly they are behind his problems closing the door.

    There is a problem people on the spectrum have with doors, if the latch/handle works in the opposite direction of obvious. Someone on the spectrum has a good chance of perceiving the door to be stuck, when it isn't. That could have started it, for example if he was convinced he was locked in, and other kids noticed his distress.

    Also kids enjoy tricks like holding the door closed, or tying two doorhandles together. He may have been locked in as a joke, reacted entertainingly, and it has become a way of ribbing him.

    Secondly why is he using a cubicle, apart from the obvious, if lets say... he doesn't need to sit down. Is he scared of peeing in the open. One of the places you are vulnerable is in an open urinal environment, where you are easily targetted.

    Bullying in the toilets, gym and sports changing rooms, shower rooms is often particularly bad as it is out of site of staff.

    He could easily have become scared from his reactions to teasing that have reached a point making him almost paranoid about using a toilet.

    Hence I'm not sure that homilies about having to learn toilet ettiquette are relevant here. Things may have happened to really alarm him, and cause him to adopt unusual strategies to deal with it. 

    I wish there was greater undertstanding of these issues.

Reply

  • Is bullying underlying this difficulty? If his peers were on hand to make fun of him using it with the door open, possibly they are behind his problems closing the door.

    There is a problem people on the spectrum have with doors, if the latch/handle works in the opposite direction of obvious. Someone on the spectrum has a good chance of perceiving the door to be stuck, when it isn't. That could have started it, for example if he was convinced he was locked in, and other kids noticed his distress.

    Also kids enjoy tricks like holding the door closed, or tying two doorhandles together. He may have been locked in as a joke, reacted entertainingly, and it has become a way of ribbing him.

    Secondly why is he using a cubicle, apart from the obvious, if lets say... he doesn't need to sit down. Is he scared of peeing in the open. One of the places you are vulnerable is in an open urinal environment, where you are easily targetted.

    Bullying in the toilets, gym and sports changing rooms, shower rooms is often particularly bad as it is out of site of staff.

    He could easily have become scared from his reactions to teasing that have reached a point making him almost paranoid about using a toilet.

    Hence I'm not sure that homilies about having to learn toilet ettiquette are relevant here. Things may have happened to really alarm him, and cause him to adopt unusual strategies to deal with it. 

    I wish there was greater undertstanding of these issues.

Children
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