Anxiety and Depression

I know this won't change anything, Darth, but I know exactly how you feel.

One thing I wish this site would facilitate, but it doesn't, is a way of putting people like us in touch with each other, because I feel that if I knew more people like me I wouldn't be quite so lonely, or depressed.

And, maybe, just maybe, we could help each other to regain control over our lives, and to live a happier, and less stressful, life.

It wasn't my experience, I was pretty happy where I grew-up, although I was set away from the village enough to be right on the moors when I stepped out of the door.

It sounds to me like the kind of feeling of being intrusively observed could happen anywhere, and is probably more likely in built-up areas - sounds like you were content just being yourself until somebody said something you perceived as ridicule (and obviously I can't say for sure, but maybe they didn't even mean it nastily? Just like 'funny' like 'eccentric' rather than 'laughable'?).

I can't relax where I am now, in a big, shared house unless all the doors are shut except to my rooms - it is right on a main road, with houses all around, so every window in our house is visible from rows of windows from others houses, if that makes sense : I hate it, very intrusive.

In terms of anxiety, depression and paranoia originally started as the theme in this thread, yes I suffer from that now, to the point of being completely debilitated, dependent on my parents and on all sorts of pills - and still feeling terrible all of the time.

I don't know what else to say really: when I was diagnosed, the psychiatrist - who I felt was very understanding - said that much of my (unusual) behaviour could be explained by the fact that I 'feel out of control'.

I'd never have been able to put my finger on it like that, but it does ring completely true - unfortunately, there doesn't really seem to have been any remedy to it up to this point, and I continue to suffer from insomnia, acute stress and anxiety - and maybe depression, though I'm not sure about that - and struggle through the days just trying to take my mind off the pain with one thing or another.

And yes of course I'm terribly lonely as a result of this - it was my birthday just the other day, and it suddenly struck me that all of my cards, and everybody I saw (my brother and father the day before, and mum and step-dad on the day) was familly memebers.

The point I'm trying to make being, I literally don't have any friends. 

I read one of your other posts Darth Reagan and you said you grew up in a small village...exactly my experience. I have out of control paranoia sometimes...do you think small village life encourages this? I used to walk around our village in a set pattern for hours on end late at night and I never thought anything about it but then somebody mentioned seeing me, finding it funny, and it was like my whole world had caved in. Was everyone now watching me and having a good old laugh? 

Anyway, what you say about insensitivity and pouring over their motivations endlessly is something I managed to talk myself out of...I just kept telling myself over and over that most people have more going on than to be scrutinising my behaviour...however it hasn't stopped the paranoia generally...is small village life perhaps worse for Aspies when they get to adulthood than the anonymity of the town or city?

I am still going through the diagnosis process I should add but at the last session, my psychiatrist said I definitely had Aspie traits. Still in the balance I think. Can't stop obsessing over it though...

I know I can get fixated upon what amounts to deeply trivial issues.

I know that most 'normal' people seem to be able to shrug off these things so much more easily.

For me it drives me crazy because I can go rid in circles thinking about things that people have said or done, which seem so insignicant to anybody I mention it to, but are just deeply horrifying to me - not to sound melodramatic.

I sometimes feel it comes down to motivation, and how thoughtless people can be - I think that perhaps as a general trend, without wishing to cause any offence, autistics are simply more thoughtful and considered, their cerebral processes are more structured and meticulous and so as a downside, it can be very easy to use your own mentality as an empathetic model and infer deeply malicious and sadistic behaviour from those around you, whereas in-fact, they're simply being insensitive.

That is my experience at-least, and I know that it has been very problematic, because something that somebody has done or said will be playing on my mind relentlessly, yet they simply continue their life obliviously, making me feel stepped-on and humiliated - and anybody I speak to such as friends will simply not be able to understand why I'm so frustrated and indignant about the whole thing.

It was actually something along these lines which lead to my diagnosis, now I reflect upon it - being unable to function at a 'normal', acceptable level due to an intense fixation upon a sense of persecution, which while valid, was kind of overblown.

Hi Turquoise1 Thanks for posting. I have posted a link below for the NAS helpline who may be able to help you All the best ColinCat http://www.autism.org.uk/our-services/advice-and-information-services/autism-helpline/how-we-can-help.aspx

having tried all the self help books, (written for NT's) and by NT's I am wondering if anyone knows of some useful books, or papers on self help.  that is to say, not the psychodynamic approach which appears to be about searching through childhood for some past trauma to re experience but useful practical tips:) many thanks.  Additional thought, why do GP's who know nothing of AS conditions rush to 'sectioning' as a solution once presented with something they do not understand!! (frustrated by ignoranct response from GP).

I don't realy like people much, thanks to previous bullying in my life etc, but I've learned to be confident and accept myself. I know things no-one else will ever remember and that makes me happy. Usually when I have to go outside with 'normal' people I wear the same necklace, same trainers as well as my 'fidgit toy', a fluffy thing I find comforting if I end up getting yelled at for 'being too weird' by random idiots. Most times I try going to the same places because then its comforting that you know where you are.

Try taking something familiar or comforting with you. And I got some advice years ago that I know sounds unbelievably stupid, but it actually worked :D

Before you go outside, look at yourself in the mirror and say 'I am beautiful'. People look at each other all the time, and the feeling of getting watched is normal when you're outside, just take your time getting used to the prescence of other people cause like it or not, we're stuck with them XD

I hope this helps.

People can make me feel paranoid too. They seem to judge me  and watch me. I know that I can come across as a bit odd in certain situations, like in supermarkets, where I spend ages scrutinizing the shelves, but I think people should mind their own business: paranoia is not all in the head (whatever psyches may say): some people do watch you because they have NOTHING BETTER TO DO!!!. I guess an adaptive approach would be to try and think that it does not matter what people are doing. Easier  said than done though. 

Welcome to the community jesuslittlechild77.

I am sorry to read that you are finding things difficult, particularly at the moment.

You may find it useful to have someone to talk to when you are finding things difficult.  Perhaps you have a support worker who can help?  You might also find the support offered by Saneline useful at difficult moments.  They offer support by telephone and email.  You can have a look at their website here:

http://www.sane.org.uk/what_we_do/support/helpline/

I'm sure some other members will also be able to give some suggestions for coping strategies.

Alex - mod