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Depression by Autism

GeekyTim

Over the past few months, I’ve been feeling more and more down. Before I was diagnosed with Autism, I had a really good job. But as I’ve mentioned before, my old manager made things difficult for me because he didn’t think I should be working in that kind of role. The company decided to pay me off instead of fixing the problem. For a few years, I lost confidence in myself and stopped working. Now I do some work again, but I earn much less—less than a quarter of what I used to make. I have about 10 years until I can retire officially, but my current income isn’t enough for day-to-day expenses. Thankfully, I own my house outright and have no loans, so I don’t have those worries. However, I don’t have extra money to buy the tools I need to do my work better. On top of that, I have a PIP assessment coming up for my disability benefits, and that makes me very anxious.

All of this makes me feel really sad. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to talk to my wife about it because she worries about whether we’ll be able to take cruises in retirement like her parents do.

Life feels like it's moving through sludge.

  • With the government trying to keep moving the retirement age, some people will be deceased before they receive their state pension or in poor health when they get it, and would not be able to go on cruises in retirement.

    My partner and I try to live for today, and make the present as comfortable as possible as we don't know what the future holds. He retired 10 years early and I retired 2 years early (earlier than getting our state pension, I mean) We had to downsize and monitor our budget, but neither of us drive so we don't have a car which helps. We don't go on holidays either, but we live in a seaside town and we are very happy with the decisions we made.

    If I was you I'd discuss with your wife what would make you happy. Marriage is about compromise.

    I wish you luck

  • Hi GeekyTim, 

    Thank you for posting to the online community I am sorry to hear you are struggling with depression and financial worry. 

    We have advice and guidance on the NAS website which may be useful to you. 

    Mental health: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/depression

    Anxiety: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/anxiety

    Employment: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/employment

    I hope this helps. 

    Gina Mod 

  • in reply to Stuart333

    No. No more money. Just better. I'm a geek. My writing is illegible. A 'Remarkable' or 'Amazon Scribe' could help me a lot, but I work for a charity, so I don't want to leech from them.

  • If you had the tools to do your work better would you be able to earn much more money?

    If yes, then perhaps you could consider a personal loan. You should be able to borrow as a home owner.

    This assumes you do not need enormous sums.

    Obviously this is not financial advice and you should consider how you would repay it, etc. but it may be worth a thought it you have not already considered it 

  • in reply to GeekyTim

    That seems extremely backwards. Although based on my own experience of employer support after mental health issues and autism disclosure, and things posted on this community almost daily, I can absolutely believe it.

  • in reply to D

    I would need an assessment. I am trying to do my job without 'aids' as in my last one I was told that despite government grants, everything was too expensive - even the things that had already been paid for before I had the diagnosis.

  • in reply to Iain

    Sounds like you've managed to find a great compromise, Iain.  My wife works, but did not when we had young kids.

    I desperately want to retire. I'm too risk-averse, unfortunately, and worry too much about what I can do. My own worst enemy.

  • GeekyTim said:
    I don’t want to talk to my wife about it

    My thoughts are that is would be best to be honest with her so you can initially manage her expectations and also get both your heads working on the solution.

    Maybe she could get a job too and increase the household income, maybe you could look for a better paying job in your old field or maybe some other solution can be found - or even just to accept it and live within your means.

    I suspect her parents will be the generation to have some of the best retirement options as much has changes for the subsequent generations with later retirement, changes to pension schemes and workplace changes to make work much less secure.

    Given the current government situation with a financial black hole I expect them to change retirement age once again to avoid paying as much as possible so I would not count on this as a long term solution.

    Look at how you could potentially build your own retirement fund (downsize the house or move to a cheaper area for example) and think of taking control back so you can retire when you are ready.

    I retured when I was 54 by using this approach and now work between 3 and 6 months a year doing a job I love as my own  boss (renovatiions) and have time for charity work as well.  

    Food for thought

  • Can tools not be funded through work? If it is autism related, I believe they can claim at least some of it back from the government. If its a more general thing everyone would benefit from, sometimes workplaces are just unaware of what is needed/beneficial. Although I have also worked somewhere the bosses were both unaware and resistant to spending money on the things that would make the work easier. Definitely look at if there's ways it can be funded through the business before taking on the expense yourself though.

    I don't know what the relationship or what your wife is like, but I can often get in my own way where my mind just replays worst case scenarios constantly. Is it really about protecting her, or are you anxious about the outcome? How do you think she would react? Do you think she would rather know so that she can support?