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Recently diagnosed and spiraling

MidMoT

I was diagnosed 2 days ago. At first, I was relieved to have answers about my struggles. Then I was mortified. I feel so much guilt and sorrow looking back on the way I treated people. I always thought I was helping people, but in reality I was rude, and too direct. I held people, and myself to unrealistic expectations. I had no idea that people felt and thought differently than me. I have had so many struggles with relationships, and the only person that tolerated me is my wife. I know I have hurt her. It was all unintentional, and now I have so much shame, and pain thinking how I have hurt everyone I love. I have “masked” for so long that I feel like I don’t know myself. I am really struggling, and I am having a hard time putting everything into perspective.

Parents

  • Congratulations on your diagnosis and welcome to the community!

    If it's any comfort, you're far from alone in going through this difficult time.

    During the period following a diagnosis, it can be common for us - especially as late-diagnosed adults - to experience a lot of emotional dysregulation. Besides feeling relief about getting our diagnosis, this can also include working through a phase where we experience confusion and (backward-focused) anger, frustration, grieving and more. So please don't worry - it's normal! 

    The NAS has a great set of articles focused on "after diagnosis", including one covering how you might feel during the subsequent days / weeks / months. You might find them of interest and/or helpful:

    NAS - How you might feel after a diagnosis

    NAS - Other advice covering post-diagnosis including:

    • Talking about and disclosing your autism diagnosis
    • Emotional support for family members after a diagnosis
    • Formal support following an autism diagnosis
    • What can I do if formal support is not offered or is not enough

    In terms of what to do next, my advice at this point (ie soon after your diagnosis) would be to try and give yourself some time and breathing space to process and absorb everything that you've been through, and let your feelings settle down.

    For me, as for many others here, my diagnosis turned out to be much more of the start of a new journey, rather than a conclusion full of ready-made solutions for my various difficulties.  

    Therapy is often recommended after a diagnosis as a follow up action for your GP to arrange. You might find it helpful to borrow or buy this book, which includes discussion of various types of therapy and counselling, together with advice on choosing the right therapist or counsellor - all from an autistic person's viewpoint. Several of us here have found it very helpful, myself included:

    The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy

  • in reply to Bunny

    Thank you so much. I am definitely going to follow through with those resources. It is nice and helps a lot talking to people similar to me. I am glad to feel a sense of community. I haven’t felt that much in my life.

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  • in reply to Bunny

    Thank you so much. I am definitely going to follow through with those resources. It is nice and helps a lot talking to people similar to me. I am glad to feel a sense of community. I haven’t felt that much in my life.

Children
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