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Recently diagnosed and spiraling

MidMoT

I was diagnosed 2 days ago. At first, I was relieved to have answers about my struggles. Then I was mortified. I feel so much guilt and sorrow looking back on the way I treated people. I always thought I was helping people, but in reality I was rude, and too direct. I held people, and myself to unrealistic expectations. I had no idea that people felt and thought differently than me. I have had so many struggles with relationships, and the only person that tolerated me is my wife. I know I have hurt her. It was all unintentional, and now I have so much shame, and pain thinking how I have hurt everyone I love. I have “masked” for so long that I feel like I don’t know myself. I am really struggling, and I am having a hard time putting everything into perspective.

Parents

  • I think you need to try to apply some rational thinking here.   You say you've gone from this ignorant behaviour which manifested itself in hurting others - essentially into this self-aware character who is remorseful of all those years in which you inflicted yourself on those you care about. 

    Perspective is certainly called for.  You must have thought there were issues which may have prompted you going for a diagnosis in the first place.  You do care, certainly enough to investigate, and certainly enough to have insight and to change.  

    Stop beating yourself up about it.  We cannot help how we are wired when we are born.  It always irks me that it is so often the role of the ASD individual to have this eureka moment, or to reach out to the neuro-typicals - when society is designed by and for the 95% that are not ASD.  Surely they should be more inclusive toward us, in the same way they should be more inclusive of other minorities.  

    That's my perspective.  I realise things have changed suddenly, and it is a lot to take on board, but you sound like someone with the capabilities to make a success of your new insights, especially with the support of your partner.  Now people know your directness wasn't rude, just the way you were designed, it is less likely you'll be perceived as so - and you'll have less trouble going forward too.  

    It is easy to be negative at this point, but as they say, every cloud comes with a silver lining. 

  • in reply to overwhelmed & underwhelmed ( O & U )

    Thank you, and I respect your candor. I honestly think it was just a lot. I didn’t see it coming, and I was going to therapy because of a fractured relationship with my eldest daughter, and other difficulties I have had with relationships and life. I am looking forward to accepting myself, but I need to understand myself more. That is why I am here. Thank you again for your understanding, and insight.

Reply
  • in reply to overwhelmed & underwhelmed ( O & U )

    Thank you, and I respect your candor. I honestly think it was just a lot. I didn’t see it coming, and I was going to therapy because of a fractured relationship with my eldest daughter, and other difficulties I have had with relationships and life. I am looking forward to accepting myself, but I need to understand myself more. That is why I am here. Thank you again for your understanding, and insight.

Children
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