Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello to anyone that reads this . I was diagnosed with aspergers back in 2018 but i guess my struggle has been since i was born.
im 25 now and for a while now i’ve found myself struggling to iniatiate and hold friendships , everyday i spend my time indoors not talking to anyone and find my self spending time scrolling through social media or playing video games to fill my day .
i struggled with my emotions whilst i was in school and college so never had friends from either guess i left a negative impression of myself . i think im quite “nerdy “ but have alway’s struggled finding friends in those hobbies , im very much into gaming and have found myself wanting to get into something called warhammer 40k.
spending my days feeling like a ghost in solitary confinement is starting to severly effect my mental health to the point everyday i want to cry and feel like I shouldn’t be here .
my question is , is there anyone who has advice on what i can do to cope with this or ways i can make friends ?
I know with autism/aspergers it’s a struggle but surely being this alone isn’t normal ?
I dont really have any advice to give you but im in very much the same situation. Im nearly 26 and making friends is a mystery to me. I tried all throughout college and uni but nothing ever came of it. Id think i was getting along well with someone but we were always just acquaintances. As soon as class ended they'd go off with their actual friends and i'd see how different they were with them.
I had no friends until about year 3-4 in primary school, and even that i think had something to do with my teacher responding to my mum raising concerns about my lack of friends by... announcing to the entire class that i had no friends. The small friend group i ended up with was great, but within that i only had one "real" friend i was actually properly close to (who then moved away). I kept the same friend group into high school, but i still felt that they were way closer to each other than to me. I was left out of the loop for a lot of things and they mostly hung out outside of school without me. We lost touch gradually once we werent in school anymore, but the rest of the group are still close. As far as i know, im the only one they lost touch with. Part of that was my fault as I struggle to keep up relationships online/not in person, but i really made an effort to keep in touch. It just drifted off over time.
10 years later and ive still never made new friends. Its like the only time making friends worked for me was when we were children and liking pokemon was enough to bond over. Now as an adult i dont even know where to start. I have acquaintances at work and we talk about games and stuff, but we arent close. I wouldnt consider them friends, and i dont think they consider me a friend either. And people at work are all closer with each other than they are with me. Its like i get stuck at "acquaintance" and can never get any further than that.
Im incredibly lonely and probably wouldnt interact with anyone on a regular basis outside of work if i didnt still live at home. But trying to make friends just seems pointless and exhausting ay this point since its never worked in the past. I was bullied quite badly thoughout primary and high school, and then again but less severly in university and at my first job, so trying and failing to get close to people is really painful. I dont want to get made fun of again and taking the risk seems pointless since its never worked in the past anyway. The times when i was actively trying to make friends just lead to me getting bullied again and knocking my confidence in normal interactions.
I feel like im stuck between a rock and a hard place because my only optoins are stay lonely and miserable, or put myself out there and be lonely and miserable and anxious and feel much worse when I inevitably fail to make connections with people like i have in the past. Even if there is a chance id make friends with someone it just doesnt even seem worth it to go though all the risk of gettig hurt or humiliated. Its the devil i know vs the devil i also know who has a slim chance of giving me what i want if i suffer for it.