Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello to anyone that reads this . I was diagnosed with aspergers back in 2018 but i guess my struggle has been since i was born.
im 25 now and for a while now i’ve found myself struggling to iniatiate and hold friendships , everyday i spend my time indoors not talking to anyone and find my self spending time scrolling through social media or playing video games to fill my day .
i struggled with my emotions whilst i was in school and college so never had friends from either guess i left a negative impression of myself . i think im quite “nerdy “ but have alway’s struggled finding friends in those hobbies , im very much into gaming and have found myself wanting to get into something called warhammer 40k.
spending my days feeling like a ghost in solitary confinement is starting to severly effect my mental health to the point everyday i want to cry and feel like I shouldn’t be here .
my question is , is there anyone who has advice on what i can do to cope with this or ways i can make friends ?
I know with autism/aspergers it’s a struggle but surely being this alone isn’t normal ?
Bless you Goblin. I read your post, share your pain and want to reach out in the limited capacity that I can as I love people despite my inability to make lasting connections.
I've regarded 'loneliness' for some time now as being a state of mind and a way of life, more than just the absence of friends and sociable experiences. But don't be deceived into despair by this analysis.
I've learnt that getting yourself outside, granted as hard as this can be in reality, can help you to feel more adjusted to exist within a state of nature. Hearing birdsong from your bedroom window and being outside to witness a bird scurrying in the undergrowth for worms whilst you sit on a lonely park bench and observe can be very different experiences. To feel the rain on your head or the warmth of the sun on your skin whilst watching people walk past can feel lonely but can also feel very different from watching the permutations of the weather and the dynamics of social interaction from your living room window (or from the bus window, for example).
Sorry, once again I turn into a mental block as to where I'm going with this. I think what I'm trying to say is that being able to physically exist outside of four walls can give you a kind of energy or soulful boost that you can't necessarily get from remaining indoors. Maybe it's simply a contrast thing - so nothing wrong with an indoor lifestyle, as long as you can experience the contrast with outdoor experiences, no matter how small and seemingly insignificant they may be.
As always, know that you are not alone. On occasion I have been fortunate enough to have someone initiate conversation with me on a park or town bench (I really struggle to initiate conversation) and I have even felt at ease, believe it or not.
Be realistic in your expectations of alleviating loneliness but also be prepared to believe the erstwhile unbelievable, such as feeling at ease in nature (urban or rural) and having sociable encounters that seemingly come out of the blue. There is hope. Hope for humanity in reaching us to us lonely folk and hope that we in turn find ourselves, at certain times and places, as being prepared to push ourselves out of our comfort zones just that little bit, enough to reach out and narrow the prospects of accepting a life of loneliness as the undisputed norm. It may seem so, but it doesn't have to be.
Bless you, my friend.
Andrew