Published on 12, July, 2020
Good morning all
I am desperate, My Son James is 14 and was diagnosed with ADHD and Asperger's last year. I have struggled to get James into school. He is currently in year 9. We are a single parent family as my husband passed away 12 years ago and it is just me, James and his older sister. I sometimes manage to get him into school but over the last year, he has been 95 per cent absent. The school have put alot in place for him and he has hall passes, late pass, time out pass and places to go if he is overwhelmed. but James in school, is ok. He likes his friends and once i get him into school, he is ok. The issue is getting him out to school in the morning. I have tried absolutely everything from strong routines, rewards and consequences for non attendance. I now have the school threatening me with fines or worse, prosecution unless this changes. We have been referred to CAHMS and i am also seeking another assessment for the Austim privately which is funded as part of my employment.
When you question James on anything school related, ask him to explain what is stopping him from getting to school, the answer is always the same " I don't know, i will go in tomorrow". He promises the earth to go in and then the same thing happens again in the morning. I have called the doctors, social services and the education department at the council for help and all i get is there is nothing they can do....
My Stress levels are through the roof. The pending action is not helping and will not help the situation. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
First off, you are not on your own.
My daughter is neurodiv (like me) and 13 (not like me). She's spent 2 painful years at school, she has had her wonderful golden spirit reduced and sullied to a point she was almost unrecognisable. Because she's probably ASD, like all us she misses the social ques and instinctive ways in which people talk to each other and form relationships, as a result she is always the odd one out and therefore will become a target.
The school have done a fair job in trying to help. But for me it's like being dropped into the middle of the ocean and a swimming instructor doing a "fair job" shouting instructions at you from a rubber dinghy. No matter how polite, innovative or resourceful they are with their language, it's not going to make you any more buoyant or able to stop drowning.
So 3 weeks ago just before half term we made the decision to home school.
Yesterday, she popped her head around our bedroom door and said "I just wanted to say, I'm so happy now, I think they future's going to be ok" - it made me glow.
I was really worried that she was going to suffer, because she wouldn't be around people, she wouldn't have a "normal" school experience, I didn't know HOW but I was sure she was going to miss out someway, that allowing her to home school was going to result in something bad.
I was wrong. For her it's been amazing.
Each day revolves around, taking the dog for a walk, English or maths (download materials online), Languages (Duolingo app), learning important lifeskills (Housekeeping, Laundry, Gardening, a bit of DIY) and looking at working on her passion for art and design. We are going to be building her portfolio up for if she wants to go to college/uni.
Each exam she wants to take can be done privately at the local college - £150 per exam, expensive, but not the end of the world.
As for Social? Well, at the moment she is at our local library after catching the bus on her own (another skill learnt) taking part in the Home Schoolers Dungeons and Dragons club.
I understand this is a major decision to make, especially because some weirdo you've never met on an online discussion board suggested it. But the change in my beautiful daughter was incredible, and it's so easy to do - Me, My wife and my daughter have ZERO regrets.