Vent

I realised I was a different as a child when my mum kept coming up to me and asking what's wrong with me and listing all the things she was doing for me. I didn't understand why she was doing it and that made me realise there was something wrong with me. She started taking me to lots of different doctors appointments and I didn't really understand why I just knew something was wrong with me.

I didn't talk to anyone at school, secondary, sixth form or even university and I'm too scared to even try and get a job because I feel defective.

I didn't get much emotional support, I just got told I wasn't even trying and to snap out of it. Which confused me because if there's something wrong with me why didn't they have any empathy?

Eventually in my 20s I asked to be tested for ADHD and the same psychiatrist that diagnosed that suggested I be tested for autism.

When I asked my mum now why she did that she just said 'there's something really wrong with you if you don't know by now'. And when I told her I felt invalidated she told me I'm not valid. That made me feel stupid and irrational.