Published on 12, July, 2020
Brief background - I know I’m autistic but am still on waiting list for my assessment so I haven’t been diagnosed yet. I’ve masked my whole life and I want to start to unmask but have no idea how to start as I usually try and people please and saying no to people is scary for me right now.
My issue/question - I messaged a photographer as I want a family photoshoot done in July. We’ve worked with her two times previously. She messaged me back asking for my number because she wants to call me to discuss my requirements. She never asked to do this the two times we previously worked with her. I have a huge huge issue with speaking to people on the phone. Like to the point where I’d rather not use her than speak to her on the phone. But I also find it impossible to say no to people because I’m so used to people pleasing to fit in. I also don’t want to tell her I’m autistic because I’ve not yet had a diagnoses and would feel like I’m not being completely honest if I told her I am (as it feels unofficial to me). I do want to use her for a photoshoot but I don’t know what to tell her. I don’t want to have a phone call. I don’t want her to think I’m weird but also want to avoid the call at all costs (I know defeats the point of unmasking but I’ve no idea where to start with that)
I know this issue probably sounds stupid and it probably seems like a stupid problem to even post on here but I genuinely don’t know how to go about this. Please help!?
For info, this thread is over a year old. (It was resurrected by Lestat for no apparent reason).
No not at all I dislike phone calls for a different reason that i always seem to miss calls and the when I call back they are not available.I prefer email.I think just say you do not like communicating by phone.Are yo comfortable with in person meetings may be that could be the way
Sort her out Pom Pom, you know what i'm sayin like
I give strangers my email or ask them specifically to write me on WhatsApp. Who calls these days anyway!?
Thank you everyone, I really appreciate your help and advice!
People use the phone because it’s quicker. I’d rather use another option. In your situation, you don’t need to explain anything. I would just say, can you text or email me, as I rarely hear my phone. If it a important call, and I need to be on a call for some time, I do tell them than I might need them to stop and wait while I make notes etc, as I can’t take in too much information at once. No one seems to mind, or even ask why.
i usually tell people i prefer email or text.... although some of them still ignore this... like my gp who i always click the prefer email response button on their my gp site but yet they always ignore it and ring me back lol
please don't feel its a stupid problem, lots of people have issues with using the phone, not just autistic folk.
It's probably something that hasn't ever crossed her mind that anyone would prefer text communication and by letting her know that you're uncomfortable with it it might make her realise that in future she might need to consider this with other customers. I'm sure she would feel terrible that she has made you feel anxious and possibly considering not using her over this, I know I would if it were me.
It might also give you a bit of a confidence boost to express your needs. Good luck with your assessment BTW
That sounds like the perfect approach, and then she can promise to text only
You don’t need to tell her you’re autistic, you can just say you struggle with anxiety and talking in the phone is one of the areas you have trouble with. You prefer the written word which gives you time to think and reply, and you then have the details that you can refer back to. I had to do this myself recently and there was no issue, they understood:) You will just be being honest then.