Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
This is first thing I've written here, please be gentle.
I have used alcohol to cope with my somewhat tumultuous life since I was 25. I'm now in my 30s.
I have never entertained the thought that I might be on the spectrum until recently (the past year) when, not only my friends suggested it, but also when I tentatively mentioned it and my own brother didn't bat an eye and said "yeah maybe".
I'm a little shocked and intrigued. I've since spoken to a specialist who just happened to be a friend of my friend - the conversation I had with her felt so relaxed and like a relief. She even said she'd gone through a period of drinking before she was diagnosed.
I'd really be interested to hear if anyone else has had issues with alcohol
It's not really about wanting to drink per se - it's the focus that it gives, and the relief from all the thoughts and feeling uncomfortable.
To level out this post, I'll also add that I'm a grown woman with values and good cognitive reasoning - I've also achieved good things in my life - but not as many as I intended!!
H x
I will be 20 years tee total in two months. I never went crazy with the drink when I was younger but I did yield to the peer pressure that drinking was normal on the scarce occasions I was coaxed into going out for the night - which I always hated, making me feel weird when it was clear everyone else spent the week at school/university looking forward to hitting the pubs and clubs. If I knew I was going along I spent the entire week in a state of dread and just wanting to get to the next ‘staying in’ weekend. Anyway, I never liked the taste of anything (the thought of beer makes me gag now) though vodka was sort of ok and I realised I was just using it to blunt the slightest edge off feeling awful, not actually enjoying the buzz. By the final time I was drinking - at a cousin’s wedding (I hate those, especially the disco) just to help me get through, and then ended up having an anxiety attack and spending half an hour hiding in the gents, it was clear where this path was going. Self-medication. And addiction runs rampant through one side of my family (and one of my parents struggled with sobriety unpredictability throughout my childhood and early adulthood) , and the anxiety gene is very strongly on both sides of the family tree. So being a non drinker was the only sensible option from there, even if it’s made my social and generalised anxiety almost unendurable in so many situations where the social lubrication may have made a (in my case minimal) difference to the intense discomfort of so many situations I’ve these two decades.
Wow, thanks for sharing, my experience is almost identical. Its interesting in life as we go through certain things solutions like alcohol are the goto or whats available then tools to help us understand.