I feel trapped in my own mind

Yes, it's probably that, to forget something as important would be to deny yourself lessons coming out of it.

Good thing that came out of thinking is that I don't feel guilty of my relationship breaking apart anymore.

Mariusz said:

It's 3 years 5 months and 13 days

Mariusz said:

So there is still something unresolved bothering me unconsciously I reckon

I hope you won't take offence at this Mariusz, but as you're able to remember exactly how long it has been since that relationship I am inclined to agree that there probably is something unresolved.

As you had been together for 10 years, I think it's understandable that you continue to find yourself thinking back to that relationship. To be honest, I think it would be unusual if you didn't. Approximately 20 years ago I had been in a relationship with someone that had lasted for about 18 months. Even though we've both moved on, I still think about it from time to time, as I had considered it to be an important chapter of my life.

JuniperFromGallifrey said:

could mean a few days to a few years to releasing the relationship from any future ownership/dues/responsibilities

It's 3 years 5 months and 13 days after my ex told me she has a new boyfriend, and we've been together for 10 years, OK we had issues, and she had troubles accepting possibility I might be autistic, but just like that, ''out of the blue'' it's over.

I'm still thinking about that relationship, it keeps coming back, even though I haven't seen or heard from her since we moved out of the flat we rented together.

So there is still something unresolved bothering me unconsciously I reckon

I think this might be a good resource for boundaries: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H1uTVDDmUls

Thanks. I really like sharing what I've learned over the years. I currently work in a sort of post production/sound situation but have been studying ethics to psychology in depth for quite some time. I know it can be confusing for parents and traumatising for children, these differences, but I think we all can benefit one another and really think the world would be just a little better if we did!

I get very stressed about being late for anything - and because of this I’m always at appointments etc far too early. Then I get stressed because I’m having to wait around!
Getting a car helped with not worrying about missing buses and trains - but it does bring with it the added issue of paying for parking. If I have to pay in advance and guess the time I’ll be back I’m always so worried about underestimating the time I’ll need - so I pay for WAY more time than I really need. I just get so anxious about being fined, or getting a parking ticket. I hate being late for anything. 

I always love your perspective on things JuniperFromGallifrey - and your suggestions are always so interesting and helpful too. I love what you’ve written here. I don’t know what you do for a living but I think you’d make an excellent Counsellor. 

I, also, have to deal with so many open-ended outcomes; such as the Probate in the South of Ireland, for my brother and I to release a joint account my nan and mum had in Monaghan. But, we're approaching the end of that; the final clearing of my gran's financial wreckage.

Whenever I'm with my Artist Friend in Belfast, and I feel like heading back to the Bus Station, he's like, "What's your hurry?" My 'hurry' is to make sure we get on a bus back, so I may be home for Zoom events I attend in the evening time. (they're US-based) People in Ireland, especially, have no concept of boundaries.

So, yes, I have severe anxiety.

It sounds like you are dealing with Unresolved Issues. The Autists Worst Nightmare. 

I genuinely believe we are analytical by nature. And can be excellent problem solvers. But open ended complicated situations involving matters of the heart or matters of investment, issues where roles and responsibilities are too fluid and where ground rules are broken, these are some of the most Anxiety-Inducing. 

If you can, I’d remove yourself from the situation and start writing everything down. Do not avoid thinking about it. Engage your mind and get it all out on paper/in a document. Begin to unravel the exchanges and look up online what is happening. 

Similar to the feeling that 2+2 really is 4, you will feel much more at ease once you can identify or name what is happening. Critical thinking is about engaging with a width of problems and outcomes and being able to examine them regardless of how unpleasant they are. 

First, we need a safe space to do this where there aren’t unreasonable demands. In a complicated situation with another adult, they should be able to afford you as much space as you need to Think. With a child I’m responsible for this is different. But warning that many adults demand more of others than they’re willing to give themselves. It’s much better for everyone if we have sufficient uninterrupted time to process and this could mean a few days to a few years to releasing the relationship from any future ownership/dues/responsibilities. 

I’m so sorry Desmond - that’s so shocking. No wonder you needed counselling. 

I returned to Counselling through WAVE Trauma Centre; as my Father was killed in the Troubles.

That’s an excellent way to describe how it can feel Desmond. Hopefully we can eventually move to a nicer neighbourhood…..

I’m really struggling at the moment too. I’m trying lots of techniques to try to feel less anxious but the things that usually help aren’t helping at the moment. Today I’ve been feeling completely overwhelmed by it all. I wish I had the answer to the problem of battling with your own thoughts - if I did I would share it with you (and everyone!). Can you access any therapy or counselling? Do you think that might help? 

Our mind is the World's worst neighbourhood.