Worries of death?

Serving humanity: wonderful attitude 

I love that phrase ‘Take an active roll in engaging your mind rather than allowing it to passively drive you’

great words of wisdom 

Beautiful: thank you 

My body’s always full of inflammation and anxiety but has weathered the storm this far and could go on for a decent while yet or I could die tomorrow. Oddly, health anxiety as a specific phobia doesn’t plague me though I know one person who is tortured by that. When I explain to them that I’m less bothered about potential illness but then list the things that I obsess over and they honestly can’t see the point of fretting about, it’s an interesting insight into how varied we can be as humans. 

I do remember when I was much younger being completely paralysed with fear and panic at the inevitably of death and its inescapable permanence. Sometimes I’ll still get that  3 am moment of trying to grasp what it will be like to not be again - forever. And it’s so distessing and overwhelming that my consciousness  can only really engage momentarily with the enormity of the forthcoming infinite continuum of ‘being’ dead that my mind reels back from it and seeks solace in something of the here and now, or a podcast or any diversion at all really. 

But the specifics of this illness or that - what will be the something with my name in it? - don’t occupy me much. They all head to the same place. And that’s what’s scary. 

I do.

Tied to my body/medical phobias is a pre-occupation with death. I sometimes think that my every moment of life has been focused on my yet to come moment if passing.

What counts is what we do between now and then. I try to hold that at my core. I often think I will be, even want to be taken in my sleep so that I will not suffer in a hospital with doctors around me. But until that day, I have a job to do...and it's about how I serve humanity. 

Perhaps, if I am lucky, I will get a few moments of personal joy.

Well people with autism sometimes have gut issues that can lead to other issues in the body (like physical and mental health issues), so try to work on what foods might be causing a problem to your body. I mean I felt a lot better after cutting gluten and dairy out of my diet, because they were causing inflammation in my gut, and then that lead to a lot of bad health issues. 

Thinking about death is a consequence of investigating, analysing and calculating life. It's just the 'dark' side of it. Or interesting depending on how you look at it.

When I was about your age I was having a wealth of health problems. Might be good to look into the FODMAP diet - as it's a good starting point for most and stay hydrated (water+minerals+sugars).

Maybe take a multi-vitamin. Take control of your health, your being alive and see if you cannot start to actively investigate this. Look into nutrition for your genetics and ignore virtue signalling NTs who end up in hospital or compromised because they're not actually thinking about health (life - growth/death - decline), just trying to Eat to be Accepted. Weird. 

Every pressing 'obsession' can actually be a Catalyst. Once we begin to put our analytical brains to work For us rather than Against us -or let me rephrase. Take an active roll in engaging your mind rather than allowing it to passively drive you. 

I fudged up at school, but when I managed to get on a college course that was at the time something I was really into, I managed to get a grade to get me into University and on a Topic that I could focus on as it was my interest and so did that and have been in the field I am in for the past 7 years since

I'd never heard of it either until I had some blood tests and received the diagnosis. I remember the GP telling me that I would be fine after I'd been on the Levothyroxine a few weeks. No, I flipping well wasn't. I think it took about 4 years before I could make it through the day without feeling the need to go back to sleep after a few hours. 

Hypothyroidism Sparkly, that's at the root of a lot of my physical problems now.  I didn't even know what it was, i'd never heard the word. Then on a visit to hospital (i have CKD) then suddenly told me what was wrong, and it explained so much

There have only been two occasions in my life when I've experienced something like that. The first was when I was about 5 years old and had measles. I had convinced myself that I would die imminently if I did not keep getting out of bed to get a glass of water. The second time was also when I had been unwell (undiagnosed hypothyroidism). I'd had no energy whatsoever, to the extent that even breathing felt like an effort. On that occasion though, I hadn't felt fearful.

I'm 69 yes old, 18 months ago realised that the answer to a lot of my problems was that I had Aspergers.  I'd floundered through life, one obsession to another.  In my 40's I realised that if I concentrate really hard I can take information in and retain it. From having no qualifications at all I was a high flier at university.  I passed on the autism to my granddaughter,  she's 10 and struggles a bit., but she shines brighter than the others. I do think if you work with autism rather than struggle with it , it is a gift 

I don't know if this answers your question but, i'm sure today is going to be exactly the same as yesterday, as was the day before. I've got quite a few physical problems, aswell as the autism. So can ache from head to toe and have trouble getting around. So i often wonder why i'm still here. Life is going nowhere and the prospects of a change seem slim.