Relationship or Not

I'm sorry this is happening to you. I left home at 17 and had to weigh the options of my mental health staying with my parents vs. being homeless. I know what it feels like to feel trapped with 0 options. Are you into spiritual stuff at all? Again, I know I don't know you-but my heart's with you. This is a dire situation. Being financially/help dependent on someone. This is exactly how I felt the 2nd time-when I left my ex-husband. You are dealing with loss of relationship + leaving for healthier environment/independence. It's alot. My thoughts are with you.

Sorry, maybe I wasn't clear.

If you want to meet people for a relationship, where do you think they will hang out?    Do you see yourself hitting the clubs or trying dating apps looking for Chad to use and abuse you?

I'm suggesting places where you can meet genuine people - dismissing them because you're not interested in their hobby is short sighted.     The theory works - look at your childhood - think of the things you loved to do - people doing the grown-up version will be mostly like you - more compatible - so you can build a group of friends.

If you want to meet men, the nice guys will be be doing the same thing - doing the grown up version of their old hobbies - so if you have a similar interest, it cuts through years of randomly meeting people you have nothing in common with.

What are your long-term goals?   Relationship?    Marriage?

No, zero options. Unless suicide or leaving this house with no money, no support and only the possessions I can carry are considered options. I can't build a life from this position of material comfort. I won't build one from a park bench or a hedge, cold, frightened, dirty and near-broke. Some amazing people build good lives from far worse starting points, but that's not me.

Thanks, but that's some of the weirdest relationship advise I've ever seen. Can't see any way in which it would be sane, or decent, behaviour to join clubs for things I have zero interest in, in the hope I get into a relationship with a man who has an obession with something I have no interest in. Weird. 

NAS73980 said:

I shouldn't be with someone for selfish reasons like wanting company/hugs

you should be... consider everything in life selfish anyway, every pleasure, every good thing is selfish... you have to be selfish... you should be with someone if they make you feel loved and good, it doesnt matter if you feel its selfish, it is better than starving yourself of love or living a rather flagellant life of feeling you dont deserve anything good. you should grasp anything good with both hands regardless of whether its selfish for all good things usually are selfish. find your human body pillow, and never let go of it! lol for they are very rare to get and hold, some never get their company or love or hugs for life. and every bloke is pretty much like a child anyway, dudes never truly grow up lol

Hi - From what you say, I think you've made the right decision.     You won't ever be happy looking after a man-child.

There are millions of very nice aspie blokes around - all getting on with life, hidden in plain sight doing nerdy jobs or using their specialist skills.

If you want to meet them, just look at all the hobbies boys have - trains, Lego, models, classic cars, flying clubs etc. and go and join the local club - it'll get you out for some fresh air and you'll meet lots of more mature guys with motivation to pursue expensive hobbies - and their world is severely lacking in females willing to join in.....

You have options-remember you have options. You will get through this.

There's another thought......in life we are constantly balancing your genuine nature & attachment (relationships).

Trust your gut. You know what's best for you. You may have difficulties, but living independently made 100% difference for me. I had to leave at 17 to get away from my parents. I have a good relationship with them now, but if I'm not careful, there is a creep to try & control me, make me question my choices--that is #1 not ok with me & I have had 7month-1+ years of no communication to drive my point. If you're like me, I get lost on the internet sometimes. Just take time each day to plan your independence-although it's overwhelming. There's a good quote & I feel you right now.....in a job I left last year due to toxicity....I felt numb/meltdowns etc and that's bc "Hope defered makes the heart sick." Maybe now, it's time to live for you. One step at a time & with support. You will find that here.

You imagined what kind of the future with him would hold, and you did not want that kind of future for yourself, or for him. Without any changes, that kind of life could have continued on for years, and you were unhappy, because what you wanted for the future is something different. 

Your parents might be financially stable, but they have the power to move you away from the voluntary jobs that you've enjoyed, and this has created a place of isolation for you.

If you want a stable and decent life for yourself, you have to take small steps to being independent, and that leads to having freedom, to choose where you want to live, and what kinds of things you want to do, and who you want to hang around.

You feel bad for breaking up with him and sending him away to live elsewhere, but really, he should not be living with your parents, playing xbox all the time, while inviting his buddies over for loud drinking parties, because that's not going to build the decent life that you want. There could have been plans made for both of you to get some kind of decent income, and to have a place of your own if possible. 

Hey NAS73980

No wonder you feel doubtful if you are surrounded by people all pressuring you to change your mind. Sounds like you need some time out from them all to get your head straight.

I think you’ve found the right place here with us to support you virtually.

Small steps, hun. One thing at a time. Don’t try and solve everything in one big step. Break it down piece by piece while you re-build who you are.