• Replies 11 replies
  • Subscribers 30 subscribers
  • Views 3364 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Relationship or Not

NAS73980

I'm unable to differentiate easily between what is something one should tolerate within a relationship, as none will ever be idyllic, or where to draw a line, call it quits.

I ended my 3 year relationship today. My former partner was a lovely but much younger man who could be wonderful, but, too often, it was like living with and trying to care for and pacify a giant teenager, when I can barely manage to care for myself.

We live with my financially supportive but emotionally constipated parents who have wholly sided with him and are telling me "you will regret this".

I'm nothing but numb right now. Not the least bit proud of reducing him to tears and telling him to make arrangements to return to his family. There's a big age gap which has been bothering me more and more and, with us both on benefits, I couldn't see either of us ever moving into a position where we can create a stable, decent life. All I see is lonely evenings in a tiny council flat, with him welded to his Xbox and the horrors of his loud mates coming round to drink. 

I'm middle-aged. He was my first relationship since my early '20s. I am resigned to never again knowing the comfort of waking up in the arms of someone who loves you. I have zero support for my autism and have failed to secure any, despite many attempts to contact charities and social services. 

I shouldn't be with someone for selfish reasons like wanting company/hugs. He's not likely to change, being a middle-aged Xbox widow with no hope of anything else......I just don't know if I should have held on to what I had or if I've done the right thing, hoping he will meet someone more suitable.

Other than my parents, I have no-one. I'm feeling very alone, frightened of the future, not at all proud of myself for the hurt I've caused. 

I've tried so hard to build some kind of life, find some support outside my parents. Nothing. I did used to have 3 good voluntary jobs but my parents moved us all last year so they're gone and we now live in a fairly isolated area with no suitable options and I cannot manage much driving or public transport. 

I feel ....buried alive.

Parents

  • You imagined what kind of the future with him would hold, and you did not want that kind of future for yourself, or for him. Without any changes, that kind of life could have continued on for years, and you were unhappy, because what you wanted for the future is something different. 

    Your parents might be financially stable, but they have the power to move you away from the voluntary jobs that you've enjoyed, and this has created a place of isolation for you.

    If you want a stable and decent life for yourself, you have to take small steps to being independent, and that leads to having freedom, to choose where you want to live, and what kinds of things you want to do, and who you want to hang around.

    You feel bad for breaking up with him and sending him away to live elsewhere, but really, he should not be living with your parents, playing xbox all the time, while inviting his buddies over for loud drinking parties, because that's not going to build the decent life that you want. There could have been plans made for both of you to get some kind of decent income, and to have a place of your own if possible. 

Reply

  • You imagined what kind of the future with him would hold, and you did not want that kind of future for yourself, or for him. Without any changes, that kind of life could have continued on for years, and you were unhappy, because what you wanted for the future is something different. 

    Your parents might be financially stable, but they have the power to move you away from the voluntary jobs that you've enjoyed, and this has created a place of isolation for you.

    If you want a stable and decent life for yourself, you have to take small steps to being independent, and that leads to having freedom, to choose where you want to live, and what kinds of things you want to do, and who you want to hang around.

    You feel bad for breaking up with him and sending him away to live elsewhere, but really, he should not be living with your parents, playing xbox all the time, while inviting his buddies over for loud drinking parties, because that's not going to build the decent life that you want. There could have been plans made for both of you to get some kind of decent income, and to have a place of your own if possible. 

Children
No Data