I'm unable to differentiate easily between what is something one should tolerate within a relationship, as none will ever be idyllic, or where to draw a line, call it quits.
I ended my 3 year relationship today. My former partner was a lovely but much younger man who could be wonderful, but, too often, it was like living with and trying to care for and pacify a giant teenager, when I can barely manage to care for myself.
We live with my financially supportive but emotionally constipated parents who have wholly sided with him and are telling me "you will regret this".
I'm nothing but numb right now. Not the least bit proud of reducing him to tears and telling him to make arrangements to return to his family. There's a big age gap which has been bothering me more and more and, with us both on benefits, I couldn't see either of us ever moving into a position where we can create a stable, decent life. All I see is lonely evenings in a tiny council flat, with him welded to his Xbox and the horrors of his loud mates coming round to drink.
I'm middle-aged. He was my first relationship since my early '20s. I am resigned to never again knowing the comfort of waking up in the arms of someone who loves you. I have zero support for my autism and have failed to secure any, despite many attempts to contact charities and social services.
I shouldn't be with someone for selfish reasons like wanting company/hugs. He's not likely to change, being a middle-aged Xbox widow with no hope of anything else......I just don't know if I should have held on to what I had or if I've done the right thing, hoping he will meet someone more suitable.
Other than my parents, I have no-one. I'm feeling very alone, frightened of the future, not at all proud of myself for the hurt I've caused.
I've tried so hard to build some kind of life, find some support outside my parents. Nothing. I did used to have 3 good voluntary jobs but my parents moved us all last year so they're gone and we now live in a fairly isolated area with no suitable options and I cannot manage much driving or public transport.
I feel ....buried alive.
