• Replies 11 replies
  • Subscribers 30 subscribers
  • Views 3364 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Relationship or Not

NAS73980

I'm unable to differentiate easily between what is something one should tolerate within a relationship, as none will ever be idyllic, or where to draw a line, call it quits.

I ended my 3 year relationship today. My former partner was a lovely but much younger man who could be wonderful, but, too often, it was like living with and trying to care for and pacify a giant teenager, when I can barely manage to care for myself.

We live with my financially supportive but emotionally constipated parents who have wholly sided with him and are telling me "you will regret this".

I'm nothing but numb right now. Not the least bit proud of reducing him to tears and telling him to make arrangements to return to his family. There's a big age gap which has been bothering me more and more and, with us both on benefits, I couldn't see either of us ever moving into a position where we can create a stable, decent life. All I see is lonely evenings in a tiny council flat, with him welded to his Xbox and the horrors of his loud mates coming round to drink. 

I'm middle-aged. He was my first relationship since my early '20s. I am resigned to never again knowing the comfort of waking up in the arms of someone who loves you. I have zero support for my autism and have failed to secure any, despite many attempts to contact charities and social services. 

I shouldn't be with someone for selfish reasons like wanting company/hugs. He's not likely to change, being a middle-aged Xbox widow with no hope of anything else......I just don't know if I should have held on to what I had or if I've done the right thing, hoping he will meet someone more suitable.

Other than my parents, I have no-one. I'm feeling very alone, frightened of the future, not at all proud of myself for the hurt I've caused. 

I've tried so hard to build some kind of life, find some support outside my parents. Nothing. I did used to have 3 good voluntary jobs but my parents moved us all last year so they're gone and we now live in a fairly isolated area with no suitable options and I cannot manage much driving or public transport. 

I feel ....buried alive.

Parents

  • Hi - From what you say, I think you've made the right decision.     You won't ever be happy looking after a man-child.

    There are millions of very nice aspie blokes around - all getting on with life, hidden in plain sight doing nerdy jobs or using their specialist skills.

    If you want to meet them, just look at all the hobbies boys have - trains, Lego, models, classic cars, flying clubs etc. and go and join the local club - it'll get you out for some fresh air and you'll meet lots of more mature guys with motivation to pursue expensive hobbies - and their world is severely lacking in females willing to join in..... Smiley

  • in reply to Plastic

    Thanks, but that's some of the weirdest relationship advise I've ever seen. Can't see any way in which it would be sane, or decent, behaviour to join clubs for things I have zero interest in, in the hope I get into a relationship with a man who has an obession with something I have no interest in. Weird. 

Reply
  • in reply to Plastic

    Thanks, but that's some of the weirdest relationship advise I've ever seen. Can't see any way in which it would be sane, or decent, behaviour to join clubs for things I have zero interest in, in the hope I get into a relationship with a man who has an obession with something I have no interest in. Weird. 

Children
  • in reply to NAS73980

    Sorry, maybe I wasn't clear.

    If you want to meet people for a relationship, where do you think they will hang out?    Do you see yourself hitting the clubs or trying dating apps looking for Chad to use and abuse you?

    I'm suggesting places where you can meet genuine people - dismissing them because you're not interested in their hobby is short sighted.     The theory works - look at your childhood - think of the things you loved to do - people doing the grown-up version will be mostly like you - more compatible - so you can build a group of friends.

    If you want to meet men, the nice guys will be be doing the same thing - doing the grown up version of their old hobbies - so if you have a similar interest, it cuts through years of randomly meeting people you have nothing in common with.

    What are your long-term goals?   Relationship?    Marriage?