Life going in episodes of ability and inability

Hi everyone,

My life goes in peaks and slumps. For a few weeks I would show great ability and talents, make plans, start projects, take commitments, give hopes...

And then suddenly nothing would make sense anymore. Life becomes bland and pointless. I get disconnected from everything and everyone. I keep doing what I started for a few days but soon I lose traction, everything feels wrong and I can't make decisions. I can hardly look after myself... And this can go for several weeks - long enough to fail my commitments and disappoint everyone.

When I was 24 (will be 40 this year), I got diagnosed with "recurrent depressive disorder" and had antidepressants prescribed but this didn't fix my life. I wasn't depressed, I was tired of being anxious and afraid.

I am afraid to apply for jobs because I don't know in what state would I be when I get to an interview. If I get a job it would be a matter of time when I fail and will be kicked out. I don't even want to meet people anymore.

Does anyone know if this has something to do with autism or is it a separate mental health issue?

I believe I am on the spectrum and even passed through the preliminary assessment for a formal diagnosis.

I'm scared. Don't know what to do about it and have no one to talk to.

Thanks

Parents
  • I have this same problem. 


    I often get an overwhelming feeling of nauseousness that comes over me after a 'peak' where it's like the world caves in on me and it dawns on me all over again that I find everything pointless.  It's like nothing I do fills in an essentially 'empty' feeling. I also have a lot of anxiety and i think it wears me down. 

    I have major depressive episodes frequently. It's hard to tell what causes what. Is it depression, is it Autism? Is it anxiety? Is it all of them? I suspect there is an element of all of them. 

    I need a lot of prompting to do some things like tidying, cleaning etc. I will then get helped to sort it all out and then for a week or two I'll keep on top of it because I enjoy the tidiness. And then it gets on top of me again for the reasons talked about above. 

Reply
  • I have this same problem. 


    I often get an overwhelming feeling of nauseousness that comes over me after a 'peak' where it's like the world caves in on me and it dawns on me all over again that I find everything pointless.  It's like nothing I do fills in an essentially 'empty' feeling. I also have a lot of anxiety and i think it wears me down. 

    I have major depressive episodes frequently. It's hard to tell what causes what. Is it depression, is it Autism? Is it anxiety? Is it all of them? I suspect there is an element of all of them. 

    I need a lot of prompting to do some things like tidying, cleaning etc. I will then get helped to sort it all out and then for a week or two I'll keep on top of it because I enjoy the tidiness. And then it gets on top of me again for the reasons talked about above. 

Children
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