Life going in episodes of ability and inability

Hi everyone,

My life goes in peaks and slumps. For a few weeks I would show great ability and talents, make plans, start projects, take commitments, give hopes...

And then suddenly nothing would make sense anymore. Life becomes bland and pointless. I get disconnected from everything and everyone. I keep doing what I started for a few days but soon I lose traction, everything feels wrong and I can't make decisions. I can hardly look after myself... And this can go for several weeks - long enough to fail my commitments and disappoint everyone.

When I was 24 (will be 40 this year), I got diagnosed with "recurrent depressive disorder" and had antidepressants prescribed but this didn't fix my life. I wasn't depressed, I was tired of being anxious and afraid.

I am afraid to apply for jobs because I don't know in what state would I be when I get to an interview. If I get a job it would be a matter of time when I fail and will be kicked out. I don't even want to meet people anymore.

Does anyone know if this has something to do with autism or is it a separate mental health issue?

I believe I am on the spectrum and even passed through the preliminary assessment for a formal diagnosis.

I'm scared. Don't know what to do about it and have no one to talk to.

Thanks

Parents
  • I can relate to this, i sometimes question whether i have Biploar?

    im 31 years old and at 23 i got a diagnosis of atypical autism, anxiety and also manage an eating disorder.

    i deffinelty goood days and not good days 

    its so tiring and hard for social workers to know how many hours support to fund as sometimes i need like 24/7 as i cant cope and sometimes I’d only need for example 12hours a week ?

    im tired a lot physically and mentally.

    I’m guessing its more common though with Covid around, more uncertainty doesn’t help:( being told to wait and people say they dont know when things will re open or start, I’m not brilliant at waiting. 

Reply
  • I can relate to this, i sometimes question whether i have Biploar?

    im 31 years old and at 23 i got a diagnosis of atypical autism, anxiety and also manage an eating disorder.

    i deffinelty goood days and not good days 

    its so tiring and hard for social workers to know how many hours support to fund as sometimes i need like 24/7 as i cant cope and sometimes I’d only need for example 12hours a week ?

    im tired a lot physically and mentally.

    I’m guessing its more common though with Covid around, more uncertainty doesn’t help:( being told to wait and people say they dont know when things will re open or start, I’m not brilliant at waiting. 

Children