Life going in episodes of ability and inability

Hey I have a diagnosis of Autism and ADHD. I can completely relate to everything you are talking about. I am just going to describe some stuff below; I am not sure if it will be helpful or not..... 

I blame what you have described largely on my ADHD. The thing you mentioned about being able to get more done on less sleep also makes sense to me, as it's a classic thing with ADHD, that you produce your best results under pressure. When you are tired your brain is under more strain and pressure (this obviously is not healthy - and I recommend spending time to figure out what works well for you by doing some research into sleep hygiene - just remember to be kind to yourself as you may not always be a perfect at this. I have been doing this for years and I still cant always figure my sleep hygiene out - but we live for the moments of victory!) 

As for peaks and slumps, in the ADHD world our brains are constantly over stimulated, therefore to focus an ADHD brain takes a hell of a lot more than your average!  Plus ADHD'ers have so many wonderful ideas and you fully intend on doing each and everyone of them, as you seriously want to, and therefore you set out doing everything. Which is where you feel great - because you are excelling, getting everything done, feeling pretty proud with yourself and everything you have achieved. (From this the brain is getting positive stimuli - something an ADHD brain massively craves - ADHD Brains require much more endorphins in comparison to the average human brain). 

But somehow, somewhere, everything just begins to collapse and fall apart around you, and you start to notice things are getting out of control, which makes your whole world around you very scary and frustrating and you question everything about yourself, and about how it just makes no god dam sense, and you become mean to yourself, because you just need to go back to the way you were a couple of days ago so as you can be brilliant and finish everything and blend in and be your very best and be like everybody else in the world. This is because although a person with ADHD has far more thoughts by breakfast, than the average human does before breakfast, the brain actually struggles to keep up with all those demanding thoughts and cannot physically process everything. This is where, what I call, the blips happen. Everything begins to fall apart, with no rhythm nor rhyme. With an overloaded brain it is impossible to make the simplest of decisions, and to hold everything together, the brain is working in overdrive and therefore we are living in a realm of fight or flight mode, without even knowing it, almost like our brains have just gone into auto pilot mode and switched that "fight or flight" mode on. This is where we find our emotions can be from one extreme to the other, at a flick of a switch. We mean harm and are often just as confused and shocked as the people observing from the outside. 

Before I had my diagnosis of ADHD, they used to tell me all the time I had things like depression, Bi-polar disorder, personality disorder; yet none of these conditions truly nailed it on the head and I just couldn't 100 percent relate to any of them. The moment I found out and took the initiative to study more about ADHD (which has only been in the recent year or so) I am feeling so SO much more stable within myself. Everything suddenly makes sense and I have come on leaps and bounds.  

And of course I do wish to quickly highlight, that my autism does also play a role in some of this, as Autism and ADHD overlap a lot, especially when it comes to processing difficulties and being over stimulated and executive functioning skills etc. 

This is just me and my experience, I am not saying that you do have ADHD, but if you think anything I have mentioned is relate-able, perhaps look more into the possibility and understanding of ADHD and go from there. I wish you all the best :) 

Does uncontrollable daydreaming fall into this?

Also have you had any success with mindfulness? 

To me it's inconceivable how someone can be here now without effort. 

Does uncontrollable daydreaming fall into this?

Also have you had any success with mindfulness? 

To me it's inconceivable how someone can be here now without effort.