Life going in episodes of ability and inability

Hi everyone,

My life goes in peaks and slumps. For a few weeks I would show great ability and talents, make plans, start projects, take commitments, give hopes...

And then suddenly nothing would make sense anymore. Life becomes bland and pointless. I get disconnected from everything and everyone. I keep doing what I started for a few days but soon I lose traction, everything feels wrong and I can't make decisions. I can hardly look after myself... And this can go for several weeks - long enough to fail my commitments and disappoint everyone.

When I was 24 (will be 40 this year), I got diagnosed with "recurrent depressive disorder" and had antidepressants prescribed but this didn't fix my life. I wasn't depressed, I was tired of being anxious and afraid.

I am afraid to apply for jobs because I don't know in what state would I be when I get to an interview. If I get a job it would be a matter of time when I fail and will be kicked out. I don't even want to meet people anymore.

Does anyone know if this has something to do with autism or is it a separate mental health issue?

I believe I am on the spectrum and even passed through the preliminary assessment for a formal diagnosis.

I'm scared. Don't know what to do about it and have no one to talk to.

Thanks

Parents
  • Now that you're aware of it, maybe try and smooth those highs and lows out a little. It sounds like when you're at your peak, you sign up to lots of things, but then after some time, you drop it all. Instead, try and start with one or two things, and really stick at them. A lot of the time, people drop projects because they lose sight of why they wanted to do it in the first place - if you can keep that image in your mind, it will defo help you to keep going too x

Reply
  • Now that you're aware of it, maybe try and smooth those highs and lows out a little. It sounds like when you're at your peak, you sign up to lots of things, but then after some time, you drop it all. Instead, try and start with one or two things, and really stick at them. A lot of the time, people drop projects because they lose sight of why they wanted to do it in the first place - if you can keep that image in your mind, it will defo help you to keep going too x

Children
  • It's not just the number of tasks but more about complexity and situational awareness. I think it's the number of elements I can keep in my mind at one time and have them connected. 

    The problem is that this ability fluctuates by a lot - at one moment I can be a engineer and two weeks later can hardly be a cleaner. Same with relationships or any other activity.

    When I'm at my highest ability I get ideas, I find ways, I make plans, make it happen, and why not, it's easy. .... Or I can play it safe and do nothing but then I feel it's all going to waste.

    I am not sure if this makes sense