Too little, too late

It has been a month since I last contacted the person. This month has been such an uphill struggle to say the least. Everything has significantly changed. In my view, not for the better which I am sorry to say.
I have not been myself for weeks. In turn, it has had a knock on affect. It has reached the point where I forgot what life and happiness is. Also, to the stage where you feel you can't be comfortable in your own skin, trust your instincts, gut feelings, follow your heart etc.
I never would of thought that, I would get to this. I now go against what I say or feel as I do not trust myself anymore or anyone for that matter. As each day passes, the harder it becomes.
I thought it might be easier, if I didn't remember or feel anything at all. As if I was a different person with a new identity. I feel like a mistake gone wrong. I have failed and lost so many times already.
This makes me feel at a loss and void. I feel empty and unfulfilled. Was there anything else I could of done? I just don't know where to go from here. It has affected me quite severely. Despite seeking professional help there is nothing more they can offer. I am physically and emotionally tired.
I wish I didn't say anything. I feel so stupid and foolish. There is no other way I can put things into context than this. The sheer disappointment and upset hits home.
Thank you for your time.
Have a good day.
Take care and be safe.
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