Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm suffering from extreme anxiety right now - it's the worst I've ever had - by miles.
It a lack of a clear way forward - everything is chaos. I can't see a pattern so I can't work out a strategy.
I'm bothered by the whole Corona-thing - this house-arrest/lockdown (Sweden didn't do it and their death-rate is lower) so it's a deep distrust of the government and their malicious intentions towards the people and the economy and jobs.
It's also caused by every shop or service suddenly thinking they have the right to nanny me and control whether I can walk around their shop the wrong way.
I'm annoyed by the way the general public are reacting to the bogeyman - ratting out their neighbours for not obeying some spurious 'rules'.
I'm frustrated that there's nowhere to go - all the museums or places to visit are closed.
I'm frustrated with not even being able to go to the local cafe for lunch.
I'm frustrated by not being able to meet with friends.
To top it all, I've got some building work going on here and there's a crunch point that could drastically complicate the work - with no clear/cheap solution.
I'm waking up in the night, every night, all night - I'm getting no more than 2 hours sleep at a time and then I'm 100% wide awake again with all sorts of unwanted thoughts buzzing in my mind. I can feel my tight chest and I'm sure my blood pressure is getting some record scores. My dreams are becoming very dark and quite horrible. Video nasties. I'm stunned at just how unpleasant my subconscious can be. My dreams are traumatising me.
I'm waking up too hot or too cold or just uncomfortable and I can't get back to sleep.
Obviously, this is not healthy but I don't know what to do - none of these are irrational things so it's not like seeing the doctor will help - a load of meds won't solve anything. It's knowing that I can't actually do anything about any of it. I guess that powerless feeling isn't helping. I just can't stop my brain massively over-processing a lack of data.
How is everyone else coping?
Does anyone have any suggestions to reduce stress?
Any suggestions on what I can do in the middle of the night? I'm at the point where I might even just get up and go for a walk in the small hours.
Anxiety is a bugger to live with.
Foodwise I've stockpiled some legumes like lentils and beans in dried form in packs. If you do a quick google searce (assuming you've never cooked the dried ones before) they're easy to prepare. Soak them in a container overnight, then drain in a sieve, rinse with fresh water and cook in new water. Lentils need cooking about 25-30 minutes and beans boiling on high heat for 10 minutes, then simmering for an hour usually.
Dried legumes last a long time in storage which might be helpful for easing concerns about famine.
It is a frustrating time, I am trying to cope by asking myself "Should I be more introverted?" You could try to see it as an opportunity to spend more time studying. Whatever your point of view of the restrictions, they're probably here to stay in some form or another for the rest of this year.
I've set myself a goal this year to read 14 novels and I also want to read some non-fiction books too. You could possibly try setting a goal yourself. Or try to take up learning a musical instrument if you haven't, that can pass an hour or two each day.
Do you use Zoom? If not, might be worth getting that and asking your friends to have a meeting over it. It's not as good as offline but at least it's a bit more fun than a phone call.
Hi - I've got lots to do - way too much in fact and my fried brain is making it hard to prioritise and get motivated. I can't do zoom - I use a vintage 2010 Win7 desktop - no camera or mic.