Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello, does anyone struggle to understand their mother's behaviour and wonder if she is autistic, or narcissistic? I have ptsd from my mother's screaming and yelling fits in childhood. The thing is, recently I went to a therapist who suggested she is narcissistic, covert type. However I have aspergers and I really wonder how a mother with Aspergers might appear if she had ptsd herself and no autisn diagnosis due to masking her whole life and being born in the 1940s. How could you tell the difference between the notoriously difficult to spot covert narcissist mother, and a mother with Aspergers and ptsd and possible depression? Mood swings, difficulties with empathy, meltdowns, yelling, blame shifting, really hurtful lnsensitive comments, raging if criticised or perceived to be being criticised, different masks or persons, etc etc how would one ever know? I'm looking for anyone with experience in their own lives with this please, I'm interested to hear about your narcissistic OR autistic mom. Thanks a lot.
I want to bring this thread back up as I've been thinking about it lately.
There's a good link in the thread on how to tell the difference btw Autistic and Narcissistic. But what about ADHD vs Narc? As I've learned more about ADHD and impulsiveness, Adrenaline, emotional regulation, while also have the Au Monotropic Brain and our same Salience Network (hyper-sensory difference), yet also communicate NT and pick up those seemingly invisible signals they communicate with, it's becoming more clear THIS could be a signifiant past issue: Undiagnosed ADHD in women. They weren't Hysteric or Melancholic. They weren't BPD. They appear without patience, hyper-intelligent to some degree, with more anxiety. And when one is continually misrepresented or marginalised, not afforded their being and also has all of this "chaos", it will come across as unstable, reckless and potentially always trying to renegotiate the self into the world. Always shocked others cannot achieve at their level - not knowing their own potential or capacity.
10 years ago when I discovered my son was potentially dyslexic (at College!) my mother's immediate reactionary response was that video games were responsible. Now, I literally ignored her having a potentially "Aspie" to-the-T father (they're divorced) who plays 2-3 characters in his WoW after spending all day working on a robot to collect uranium. All the males in our family play video games and went into either working at a lab like CERN, in neurology or Maths at levels they entrain magic numbers and multiple dimensions. Doubtful, video games are a problem, because they were the ONLY thing which helped my son actually want to read when he was young.
Now my son is older, and given she's always had little respect for her daughters but will carry the world for her sons, he's able to drop in the smallest doses, ideas of a difference in neurology. I suspect in about 10 years it will all make sense. But a refusal to even entertain these ideas which, appears like gaslighting and might be a form of RSD creating a PDA.
Were men ever diagnosed Hysteric? I'm still looking into this. But I have a feeling this might be the answer for most of us.
Abuse in any form is not ok. My mother ghosted me so many years ago I stopped counting. She may be able to speak NT and use their selfish tactics, but Narcissism IS actually rare. Immature, absent insight compounding complex trauma is potentially what most of us are dealing with. Remember, women really weren't allowed to mature to a certain level unless they had fathers supporting their sense of growth and becoming. This is true now in many cultures and sub-cultures. So I imagine it would be even that more difficult for divergent women prior to 1980.