Worthless!

Perhaps 'experience' was the wrong word then - maybe I should have said they have little or no understanding. I don't understand why people have to question things like that... so what if you clapped your hands??

People in the workplace have excperienceof autism. In one of those places, my problems have started after the boss has asked: "Did you just clap your hands?".

You're not worthless either! Unfortunately, lots of people in the workplace have very little (or no) experience of autism, but anyone who penalises or laughs at you for being different is downright disrespectful and unprofessional. They're the ones with the problem, not you. Hopefully society will move forward and we'll have more understanding in the future.

I am worthless too. Despite having some special skills I got fired from 5-6 of seven programming jobs that I had. A collegue has given me once a parting advice saying that I must learn to tell people what they want to hear. So having special skills is not the way out of the worthlessness. Being a perfectionist does not go well with the managers, especially when you are good at spotting the problems. I will never be a culture fit, so there is no way out of my situation. So you are worthless without any special effort. I have worked hard for many years to get out of the worthlessness trap and I am back at the square 1. What was the point of all that? Some recruiters laugh at me and say I will never get a programming job again.

You are absolutely not worthless. Life can be really tough, especially when everything seems so much more overwhelming than it is for most NT people.

Like Cellar Door said, focus on the little steps you can take to care for yourself. Maybe you could set yourself a schedule for the day (including time to shower, time to exercise, time to eat, time to do your gaming etc.). Maybe planning the day in advance could help you to get started with some small changes.

Like Roswell said, there might also be underlying health conditions. I've been putting my digestive issues and extreme fatigue down to autism and anxiety, but since a recent visit to the GP, it sounds like there are medical factors that I was completely unaware of. I'm having some tests and might need to see a specialist, depending on the outcome. 

Go and see your doctor if you can. In the meantime, try not to be so hard on yourself. You do have value and I'm sure the people who love you would agree.

Your life definitely isn't pointless though it's a shame you might feel like it is.

Perhaps you have unaddressed medical needs that make you feel "lazy".

There can be underlying reasons like allergies, for example, that can make a person feel that way.

I’m putting on wait because when I do eventually eat, it’s late at night and I stuff my face with junk food. 

Im 32 and as of yet haven’t found what I’m good at and find it hard to believe I will. 

Also im ok at gaming and want to get gd at competitive gaming but can’t get through the learning stage, this applies to anything I try, I can’t accept that I’m not gonna be gd at it straight away and give up due to stress etc. 

That is a word I call myself often too. Worthless. It's hard when your mind is like having the worst possible bully living with you.

I know that lack of motivation makes all kinds of practical advice sound like crap. But I can't help it.

Try to force yourself to care about the basics, like eating and showering. I know it's a pain, and I currently smell bad and I'm continuing to lose weight because I have no appetite and I mostly get nothing out of eating. But smelling like a hobo and being malnourished makes things worse. You know this rationally.

Don't convince yourself that you have no special skills, maybe you have not found them yet.

Don't let yourself think that you will never have any special interests.

Don't make yourself think nothing can get better.

If you need time to figure yourself out and work on ways to feel more capable, take the time.

May I ask what it is you say you're okay at but have perfectionism issues with?