Last night I went to my school Xmas dance in a big, fancy hotel. I arrived earlier than my friends so I had to walk in and just drift around making small talk with people. I was friendly but people kept ignoring at me and pointing at me. I have never felt so embarrassed and lonely in my life. Everyone was getting photos together and there was me standing in a corner no one bothering to talk to me and me trying not to cry. I eventually left and went and found a chair to sit on and cried my eyes out - I just want to be normal. I thought I could go to that dance and be a normal teenage girl for one night but no. I eventually had to go home because I just couldn't stand it. I was just wondering if anyone had any advice? I am feeling awful today and just wanting to hide and never face my school again, but I have mock exams soon so I have to study but my mental health is really poor right now. I am also feeling slightly angry that no one thought to even just say hi to me or even ask to join them, which was the way I was raised. I try so hard but I just keep getting things wrong. I go to a very academic school and the pressure they put on me is insane. The teachers were all angry at me for leaving and I feel so awful for wasting my mums hard earned money on that stupid dance.
Sorry this was more of a rant!
Any comments or advice would be greatly appreciated x
I read your post and related to it soooo much :,) I ended up not going to my school dance/prom/excuse for people to show off and pretend to like each other.
I’m sad to hear you’ve been so underappreciated, you mustn’t take out their ignorance on yourself. I can tell you are really trying and I’m sure you will do very well in your mocks coming up.
Things are always changing and you won’t be in this situation forever, focus on your goals but don’t put yourself under too much pressure, do what you have to to look after your well-being and try to surround yourself with the good vibes of people you love and who appreciate you.
I am in my late 20s now but I can definitely understand how you feel. You should be proud of yourself for even trying to go to the dance. I wouldn't have even been able to get that far when I was your age. I had a similar experience at a wedding this year. No one tried to speak to me, even the people I knew well left me feeling awkward. People just told me to stop looking so miserable. It wasn't a nice experience.
I think it's awful your teachers were angry, they should be understanding. Try to move on from it though and remember you have lots of strengths and talents that those other people probably don't have.
Don't always feel you have to do things because it's the "norm". It's ok to say actually I don't want to do that and to do something you like and are comfortable with instead.
As a mid fifties Male I too can relate to not being seen or talked to,
when we were waiting to go home yesterday it being our last day working for Xmas, I was in the main office stood there wondering why everyone was acting like no one would ever see one another again?
it is a ritual I can see no sense in st all, we will be returning back to work after Xmas!
the loud voices, the inevitable hugs and loud laughter, eating a little buffet laid on by The bosses, No one came to talk to me, yes I got the odd “ alright how are you” and “ have a good Xmas mate”.
I felt awkward, the noise and bustle all around me, I just stood there looking on, I began to feel anxious as I did not know quite how to join in, these are men and staff I work with every day, no one was leaving bar one secretary who was the main focus of attention. Even then it was way over the top emotion for being sad she was leaving or jokes about thank god for that, don’t rush back to soon,,,,Lol.
I wanted to get out, but stayed as long as I thought was polite.
As the others have said, be kind to yourself and don’t think you must attend such things if it will effect you to much. Peer pressure is a big thing to cope with, if needs be make a polite excuse and do something that fills your life with happiness.
It is sad when you work so hard to be part of it and no one seems to want to join with you, story of my life.
take care and good luck with the mock exams. I am sure you will do well.
I was recently diagnosed with autism and i’m in my last years of school too. My school is hugely academic and i completely understand the pressure because it happens to me all the time too!
In regards to social activities/parties etc. i’ve struggled hugely with them, even if i have friends there with me i still feel odd and separated from everyone. For me it’s small things that help me. Like if i have a party to go to i’ll make sure i’m with a few of my friends before so i can get ready/ go with them. it helps me to feel a lot more relaxed. Sometimes i turn up a couple minutes late so i know everyone is there !! I also make sure i talk to the right friends about the right things e.g i have some friends i talk to about music, some friends i open up to etc. i also try and create a balance between social life and revision so i don’t isolate myself but at the same time don’t put myself in uncomfortable situations. Maybe if you feel under a lot of pressure even doing a small thing like going to the cinema (not much talkin there!) helps me to wind down and focus my thoughts.
i am always here to talk to so drop me a message if you ever need as i am going through the exact same thing ! hope this helped
Hi. It is difficult not being “normal.” I know this more than you will ever know. But concentrate on yourself. You are unique and special in your own way. Take a day for yourself. Do something fun.
Eventually you learn to feel sorry for the irrational, reactionary neurotypicals.
Welcome to the club
I, for example was an outsider and outcast throughout all my school years. I never was invited or went to any kind of get-together or party.
I can totally understand how you feel. I often encounter situations like this too. Large parties can be very difficult, especially when everyone already has their social groups, it's so hard to join in. I get ignored too and am often standing alone in these situations.
I think it's good to be in a very academic school though, because the focus will be more on academic stuff rather than social stuff. If the academic demands are less, there may be fewer classes and less homework, and other people may have more time to socialise even more frequently without you. And if you focus on academic stuff, which is what teachers in the school values, and if you can try to do well on it, I'm sure they will appreciate your academic performance.
I've also found that socialising can be improved with practice. I think it may be harder for us who are not born to be good at it. I don't like being different all the time either. There are some books aimed for people who have Aspergers, which might provide some explanations or guidelines of how people socialise. It might be an avenue worth exploring!
Good luck! I can understand how hard this all is, and I wish you all the best, and hope things will get better.
I wish everyone would understand that some things do always change and that certain things should stay the same like the human life cycle and the age for an adult being at age 18 too as nothing like that should ever change at all!!!!