Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
Last night I went to my school Xmas dance in a big, fancy hotel. I arrived earlier than my friends so I had to walk in and just drift around making small talk with people. I was friendly but people kept ignoring at me and pointing at me. I have never felt so embarrassed and lonely in my life. Everyone was getting photos together and there was me standing in a corner no one bothering to talk to me and me trying not to cry. I eventually left and went and found a chair to sit on and cried my eyes out - I just want to be normal. I thought I could go to that dance and be a normal teenage girl for one night but no. I eventually had to go home because I just couldn't stand it. I was just wondering if anyone had any advice? I am feeling awful today and just wanting to hide and never face my school again, but I have mock exams soon so I have to study but my mental health is really poor right now. I am also feeling slightly angry that no one thought to even just say hi to me or even ask to join them, which was the way I was raised. I try so hard but I just keep getting things wrong. I go to a very academic school and the pressure they put on me is insane. The teachers were all angry at me for leaving and I feel so awful for wasting my mums hard earned money on that stupid dance.
Sorry this was more of a rant!
Any comments or advice would be greatly appreciated x
hi!
I was recently diagnosed with autism and i’m in my last years of school too. My school is hugely academic and i completely understand the pressure because it happens to me all the time too!
In regards to social activities/parties etc. i’ve struggled hugely with them, even if i have friends there with me i still feel odd and separated from everyone. For me it’s small things that help me. Like if i have a party to go to i’ll make sure i’m with a few of my friends before so i can get ready/ go with them. it helps me to feel a lot more relaxed. Sometimes i turn up a couple minutes late so i know everyone is there !! I also make sure i talk to the right friends about the right things e.g i have some friends i talk to about music, some friends i open up to etc. i also try and create a balance between social life and revision so i don’t isolate myself but at the same time don’t put myself in uncomfortable situations. Maybe if you feel under a lot of pressure even doing a small thing like going to the cinema (not much talkin there!) helps me to wind down and focus my thoughts.
i am always here to talk to so drop me a message if you ever need as i am going through the exact same thing ! hope this helped
Alexandra x