Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
I am a 16 year old girl with Asperger's. 16 is a really difficult age with drinking and partying and drugs. I feel very isolated because I do not like alcohol and it messes with my medication but people don't seem to understand that I don't want to. Is it okay to not want to drink? I also don't get invited out to a lot of house parties which is mainly my fault, I am sure if I asked I would be able to go but the idea of spending an evening getting roaringly drunk with people I mainly do no even like does not appeal to me. I feel so left out, but is it okay to not want to join in and stay at home and not drink or is it sad and pathetic? I get very, very anxious about social things like this, so any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks, Jess x
I have a slightly different thought.
Through your life you will end up 'masking' to fit in with people. Pretending to be just like everyone else to make your life easier and social interaction smoother.
You might want to go to a few parties and treat them like a social experiment. Most kids are practicing their social interactions at your age so it's acceptable to be clumsy and really bad at it - that's why alcohol is usually involved as it smooths over the cracks in their skills.
You do not have to drink alcohol and never let anybody get a drink for you - I would even go as far as taking your own drinks with you - in sealed tins. There's always some *** who will try to get you to drink but just be strong. Any drink you open, keep with you in your hand so you know it's safe. Abandon any drink that you put down or lose sight of because you can't trust it won't be tampered with (dicks are REALLY stupid at that age) - just open another of the ones you brought with you.
Have an escape plan if you feel uncomfortable - your parents will be more than happy to pick you up within seconds of your text. (As a dad, I would break all speed limits to rescue my daughter or even sit outside reading a book for the whole evening if it would make her more comfortable).
There is a huge amount of data to be gained from these early party interactions - seeing how people behave and how their behaviour changes over the evening - learning the social rules & norms and also seeing who the assholes are and seeing who the nice people are - you can then decide who you prefer to hang out with armed with this data.
There's also the training point of view - better to learn and practice these social situations while everyone is an amatuer and really bad at it rather than leave it until your mid 20s and be the amatuer when everyone else have moved up their game.