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Is my husband on the spectrum?

Johnsmum

I have suspected for some time that my husband might be 'on the spectrum' as well as our son, and he admits himself that he was a strange child who didn't make friends and struggled with some schoolwork (though he now has a Cambridge degree!). Any tips on getting an assessment for him? Does it have to go through the GP or are there affordable private methods (it's very difficult to get him to go to the doctor).

I feel that if he had a diagnosis, I would cope better with aspects of his behaviour, knowing there was a neurological reason for them, rather than him just being awkward!

  • autism is hereditary, so if your child is autistic the chances are that one or both of the parents do as well. i did work with autism cymru on this. if a school representative is talking to parents about an autistic child, they may be dealing with undiagnosed parents - especially if they are finding unexpected or unusual responses from them.

  • Hi Johnsmum,

    Having done lots of reading up on ASD this last few months it has become apparent that my husband has an ASD too. We aren't going to go down the formal diagnosis route but it's nice knowing what all his strange quirks are about!

    I'd imagine the first port of call would be a dr though, but if he finds it hard going to a dr he is going to have to deide whether or not he wants a formal diagnosis. Or if just recognising the traits and quirks as an ASD are enough for him.

    Sorry  couldn't be much help.

    Emma. x

  • Husband needs to be absolutely clear that he would like a diagnosis.  My now ex-husband realised he was similar to his son and chose not to pursue diagnosis, and also chose not to support me or our son following his diagnosis.  Result: divorce as I couldn't handle the situation any more.  I am now leading a happier life and still accommodating my ex-husband's foibles in relation to outings with son.  Time spent with his son has increased I am pleased to say.

  • Hi Johnsmum

    lots of good advice already. 

    I have always regarded diagnosis (dx) as a signpost not a label. If it opens up access to services and benefits go for it. But if you just want confirmation for your own peace of mind do not wait for the diagnosis. If it helps to frame your husband's behaviour in terms of his autism then do it now. 

    What is his attitude to this question? Whether it is an official dx or an acknowledgement by him that he is neurologically different it can take a lot of getting used to. Many people find it liberating. Others regard it as a curse. I do recall an internet discussion from many years ago in which a recently diagnosed adult was bemoaning his fate. He had lost his job. His wife had left him and he had a drink problem.  He was blaming it all on Aspergers. Another AS adult pointed out that lots of neurotypical people had the same problems but, "At least you have a reason. All they have are excuses."

  • Having a son with autism i recognise that i share lots of his symptoms (more and more all the time)  and my wife is pretty sure that im on the AS. From my irrational obsession with having my cds, books, games all alphabetical; to the feeling of dread when my wife wants to use MY PC (she has a laptop so why use mine), and my fear of going out shopping for anything (not just clothes shopping for the wife  ). Looking back i used to get my mum to buy records for me upto to being around 19 because i couldnt face going into the shop.

    My wife is an utter angel for putting up with me and my son, because if its not my son off on the rampage its me over silly things like her starting to vacuum the room from the wrong place, or not washing the cups after the plates and so on.

    Booked into see the Dr after xmas so will post up what he thinks after ive been.

  • Hi John's mum

    When I clicked on the link it worked OK but I will report it to the people who understand these things.

    http://www.autism.org.uk/about-autism/all-about-diagnosis/diagnosis-the-process-for-adults.aspx

    If it still doesn't work for you could you report it as well via the feedback link.

  • Thanks for the test links XAVI - I had already got the Baron-Cohen one but am waiting for the right moment to email a link to my hubby!

    On the advice of another internet friend I tried the NAS website but when I click on the 'Diagnosis for adults' link I just get 'page not found'. Are the NAS aware of this? Perhaps you should tell them, XAVI.

  • You can find Prof. Simon Baron-Cohen's AQ test here.

    http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/9.12/aqtest.html

    He and his colleagues at the Autism Research Center have devised a lot of tests in this field. You can find them here.

    http://www.autismresearchcentre.com/tests/default.asp

    Or you might want to try this one. It's longer but you get a pretty graph at the end.

     
    It is important to remember that the results of these tests are not always accurate.
    If you feel there is a need for a diagnosis then get one. In which case you might want to read this before seeing your GP.
     

  • Hi Johnsmum

    There is a very basic test found on the internet, devised by Simon Baron Cohen. I think it as been doing the rounds on facebook.

    I know it has caused some discussion over its suitability, however, you may find it an interesting starting block to discover if your husband is affected by autism. 

  • mrstiggywinkle said:

    He goes off on what he calls "Gardening Safaris" to track down weird and wonderful pants.

    Lol !

  • Hi John's Mum. My husband realised that he was on the autistic spectrum years ago when he went to an information day to learn about the background of autism in order to help our son. The penny dropped and although he refuses to get a diagnosis we know that he is AS.

     

    Even without a diagnosis which may prove costly, you now have an explanation for his behaviour. It has certainly helped me to know how to go about things, when I need to back off, when I need to instruct him on what to do in situations. I've also learnt how to put up with his obsessions/areas of special interest! He goes off on what he calls "Gardening Safaris" to track down weird and wonderful pants. I then have to console him when they die due to the dreadful English weather!!! At the moment he is watching back to back episodes of "The Big Bang Theory". It has been "House", old musicals......the list is endless.

    I also learnt how to cope with him during the soccer world cup. Let him watch it and go and find something else to do.

    It's a bit like having curly hair. Stop fighting it and learn how to work with it. We've been through some very difficult times but are still together after nearly 25 years!

  • Hi Johns mum

    During our sons diagnosis my husband (now my ex) volunteered that he recognised some of the symptoms that our son was experiencing.  He has recently 'come out' with his self-diagnosis and seems to be happier coming to terms with his own 'quirks' which he now sees as part of his Asperger-ness.  It has also helped me come to terms with some of our relationship difficulties.  I don't know about adult diagnosis, maybe a self diagnosis is enough?  Good luck, anyway.x