I have a meeting with my social worker and her manager today about what kind of care I need. I don't have an advocate at the moment or anyone else to support me, so I will be alone. I don't feel up to speaking to anyone so I have written everything down. I feel as though my social worker doesn't listen to me and she is hardly ever there and i have been left without any care at all for two weeks. I don't feel comfortable with any of the care companies that she has sent to my flat. They don't prompt me with anything, don't help much and don't seem to know much about autism. One member of staff just sat on the couch the whole time writing in the file and when I asked her to help me once, she just stood there looking at me not doing anything and when I had a meltdown once, she just ignored me
I was with the police and paramedics last night due to suicidal thoughts and having panic attacks over a hospital procedure that I have to have next Monday as abnormal cells have been found in my cervix and I have a virus. It might be my exes fault and his ex girlfriends fault as his exes cheated on him but he stayed with them and then was with me. I feel that I was vulnerable being intimate with him and if I wasn't living alone, it wouldn't have happened. I am trying to get in to supported housing for people with Autism at the moment. I had only recently got back on speaking terms with my mum and grandmother too but when I was distressed last night, my mum kept putting the phone down. She was also supposed to come and see me but she didn't and I had a meltdown. My family don't understand autism.as I was diagnosed late, three years ago at the age of 31, and they have never read about the condition. My flat hasn't been cleaned for weeks, I can't cook and haven't been eating much and I can't get out of the flat without having someone else with me. My mum has problems with her heart and blood pressure and has to be monitored every two weeks and monitors herself at home. My dad lives further away, about forty five minutes away. He is much older than my mum and has been ill himself. He had a mini stroke last year and my stepmother is very ill too. My mum also takes care of my grandmother. I feel like I have no where to turn. I would like to write a letter to my MP. The national Autistic Society sent me a very helpful email with places to contact but I need help contacting them. I wish I had friends with autism that I knew in person.
Hi Bethy. I wondered how you'd been getting on. I think it's good that the meeting is happening and that you have written things down in preparation.
The checkup sounds pretty normal and nothing to worry about. Is the virus you refer to HPV? That's very common (I think about a third of people have it), and there's now a vaccine against it. I hope the health professionals are friendly and understand, like the dentists. Maybe you could get other help with your anxiety about your health, though? Have you ever had Cognitive Behaviour Therapy adapted for autism?
I wonder if the social workers can explain things about your autism to your family? As you mention, it sounds like an advocate might also be helpful.
I'm in tears. I am still not being listened to. They won't increase my hours yet, they won't apply for supported housing for me and they were putting me down. They left me in my flat being a mess. I am so depressed and anxious.
I am so depressed at the moment. I had a meltdown and cried during the meeting yesterday. I was exhausted afterwards and slept for a long time. I would like to try the CBT for autism . How can I get that?. I don't know how to solve everything else. I feel like I am stuck in a situation that I can't get out of. I don't like this flat or the area. I might not have enough money to move to another council flat or private flat. I suppose I could do a flat swap, but I'm not sure if I could move in to any flat or just another council one. I could move in to one that's partly or fully furnished.
I'm still very worried about moving and about my hospital results. I called the hospital last Monday. They said the results are in and that they would send a letter. I still haven't received a letter. I also called again yesterday and asked for them to ring me back. They haven't yet. And I am still worried about the PIP assessment. Also, things about my last relationship with my ex boyfriend still affect me too. We broke up 6 months ago. He is NT. He didn't really understand my autism and used to get angry with me. I also didnt understand some of his behaviour.
Hi Bethy, I hope your results arrive soon and allay your worries. There's not much you can do about your PIP assessment, try not to worry. Easier said than done, I know. Do you have any female friends that you talk about ex-boyfriend's behaviour with. If not, see if you can explain here what is troubling you, if you feel comfortable doing that. I really hope you get your results soon. Graham.
I can't live with having autism anymore and with my family not being understanding and supportive any more. It's too much.
Bethy, What has happened? I've felt like that before, let me know what is wrong.
Let me know if you're okay Bethy
PM me, if you like
My ex boyfriend, who I have told you about, has sent me a message asking how I am and saying that he has been thinking about me a lot, and that he misses me. What do you think he means?. I'm not sure how to respond.
I don't know anything about your relationship with your ex-boyfriend, and you may want to ask people who know the situation better.
If I'd sent a message like that, it would mean I'd like to know how you were and to meet up, but just that, in a friendly way.
Hi Bethy, if he says he is missing you, it may mean he wants you to get back together again. I remember you saying that he could be abusive, so I should consider whether to reply or not. You could say that you'd like to meet him but just as friends, or if you are missing him you could meet him and see how it goes. Either way I should make sure that you don't let him behave abusively again. If you don't want to see him, just don't reply and he should take the hint.
He said he regrets ever letting me go and he has realised what he lost. We were together for almost a year, although, we had been friends for a year before that. It upsets me that he broke up with me though, and he also told me that he dated someone else whilst we were split up. He said they were only together for a few weeks, that she was a rebound and that they split up because they are different people. I am not sure what to do really. We did meet up a couple of days ago to discuss everything. He said he never took the time to learn about my autism then either, that he wants to learn about it now, that he thought he was selfish then and that he has grown up now.
Probably not what you want to hear but don't get back with him especially if he has been abusive towards you. He's probably just broke up with a girlfriend and is looking for a rebound. Harsh but probably the truth. I hope it doesn't come down to this but block him. I know what those sort of guys are like who have been abusive.
Bethy said:He said he never took the time to learn about my autism then either, that he wants to learn about it now, that he thought he was selfish then and that he has grown up now.
I am pleased that he at least recognises that understanding YOUR autism is key. My advice would be to wait first on how his understanding goes before you jump in.
I have been trying to get my OH to understand autism for a year now... the lack of progress in this is really frustrating. It can be challenging for people to try to comprehend the condition, how it presents itself and that it is mixture of abilities and challenges. Make sure he knows about the positives that your diagnosis which makes you amazingly you!
It is not a matter of understanding autism, but as you rightly typed - "my" autism - in terms of what it means to you, how it impacts you, and how he can support. Please don't fall for any "lip service" just as a means to get you back.
You may have noted from other threads on the forum that relationships can be a challenge and so it is essential that the understanding and communication is there.
Please don't let yourself be taken advantage of and don't be put under pressure.
Can I also second the posts from @BH and @Graham. It is very easy for us to be taken advantage of.
I don't always get the rules of "engagement" and can be insecure about making the right decision or doing the right thing. That can be 'picked up' on from others who want to control you and implement THEIR rules upon you, keep you in a position of insecurity and self-doubt and that can be very emotionally and psychologically damaging.
That is NOT what you need right now, nor do you need to end up thinking that the above kind of behaviour is "normal", or "acceptable".
Hi Bethy, I would think very carefully about this. It is usually the case that someone who has been abusive is unable to change their behaviour. Of course it is up to you how you go forward with this. There is no need to hurry your decision. It may not be worth the trouble to continue seeing him. I suspect he realises you are vulnerable and wants to take advantage. How are you getting along otherwise with your accommodation? I hope you’re feeling better than you were. All the best. Graham.
He seems genuine, but I suppose I will have to wait and see. I haven't heard anything from the manager about moving in to the accommodation yet. I hope it wont take much longer as i am really struggling here. I can't get outside at the moment and I am struggling to go and buy food and drink. I am very ill at the moment. I was sick during the night last night and I have a temperature.
I'm sorry to hear that you are ill. Do you have some medicine? Is your Mum nearby, perhaps she could help. It seems that you would be better off in the new accommodation. I hope it gets arranged for you soon. Graham.
I don't understand him. He was all enthusiastic when he contacted me two weeks ago. We also met up and talked that week. He was on his last week off work at the time as he has to have a scan for scoliosis soon. He doesn't respond as much now though, but maybe that's because he has only just gone back to work?. I want to tell him that I understand about his health problems and how busy he is with his job, and that I want to support him, but at the same time, he needs to be straighforward and honest with me about what he wants. I am worried that I might have messed things up. He told me that he went out with someone else for a few weeks when we were broken up. This made me feel upset and insecure. He knows that. I sent him some messages late at night just once last week. He told me not to as he had to get up for work early, and he said it reminded him of when I used to do that in the past, and he mentioned other arguments that we used to have. He also said he is worried about what our families and friends would think of us getting back together. One of his friends gave me a funny look when i saw him when I met up with my ex, and he didn't even say hello to me. I thought it was so bad mannered, and it wasn't his friend that I broke with, so I can't understand it.His friends and family hardly know me. I don't know what to do.
The manager at the new accommodation is on holiday at the moment, so I can't move in until she is back. I feel so confused about moving too. Also, my social worker isn't very good and i have a feeling that I won't be happy with what she has put on to my care plan. She doesn't understand my condition and my needs that well. I hope I can look at the care plan and have my say before I move.
I am still ill with a cough and my ears at the moment too.
Hello Bethy, It is always difficult to understand the way some people think. It wasn’t necessary for your ex to say that he saw someone else briefly. I suspect she didn’t want to be with him and to boost his confidence he got in contact with you. His friend was definitely being bad mannered by not acknowledging you. Your ex seems to want to dictate how your friendship/relationship develops. I would suggest you don’t contact him and see if he contacts you.
You would be better served by concentrating on your move and on dealing with the social worker. It might be a good idea to write down what sort of support you would like, and ask her if she is able to provide it. I’m sorry to hear your health is below par at the moment. Look after yourself and be kind to yourself before you worry about anyone else. It’s always easier to make sensible decisions when your health is good.
I am in the hospital at the moment due to stress from my ex and stress with wondering if i should move. My ex made me have a breakdown last night. The woman he went out with came up in the conversation. He said that I don't let him talk to anyone and turned things around on to me and turned things around on to me.
This man is obviously not good for your health, Bethy. I'm sorry to hear that you've ended up in hospital. You should concentrate on your health and what is good for you. I would think that if you move to supported housing you will get more support there. Your ex sounds to me like someone who will only make you unhappy and give you grief. I hope you are feeling better soon and that you will feel strong enough to make decisions that are in your best interest. Take care, Graham.