Published on 12, July, 2020
My Aspergers my symptoms Selectively mute (I only talk when spoken to)
Lack empathy but I do have sympathy but I have my own way of expressing it. It might seem like I’m careless
Use fake smiles to disguise I’m ok
Feeling dead inside No dreams since I was 13
Get migraines from people’s voices
Lack guilt
Don’t know how to socialise or make or maintain friends properly or can’t start a conversation, my way of saying bye is walking away.
Can’t go outside alone without feeling overwhelmed, need someone beside me
College classroom don’t like table layoutEye contact is an issue
Body coordination is bad - unbalanced walking, slouching, leaning
Fidgeting with items like turning lights off and on and constantly adjusting per hour
Making schedules everyday and trying to perfect it
Physics and mathematics as daily study as It relieves me
Art - particularly drawing people, calms me down
Head jerking/ flinching
Seizures
Been like this all my life since I started nursery onwards, at home I’m perfectly fine and happiest.
I have an above average IQ
Sleep issues
Routines are important to me
What they tell me- Asians are culturally quiet (well the ones I know are either shy or loud the shy ones still have plenty of friends and seem to understand the need to socialise, while I feel alienated, alone and misunderstood- Girls are unlikely to have it- and they assume I have social anxiety - well guess what? Is it possible to be born with social anxiety?- They use the male criteria to conclude whether I have Aspergers or not. I’ve been having these issues since I was in nursery, I’ve taken anxiety medication, depressents, and other medications but non have helped me. I’m also 18, that probably why they don’t want to diagnose me.
I think that the traits you list are definitely indicative of autistic spectrum condition. But even if they're not, I don't see them as signs of being mad. Why does 'different from the norm' always have to be construed as 'mad'? What's wrong with 'different'?
Different you.. ,being yourself better...unless it causes harm to others x
What about others causing harm to me because of my difference? I wouldn't deliberately cause harm to others. Most of the time, I'm honest to my own detriment. I'll concede to others, even if I think they're wrong - because I lack the confidence, self-esteem, whatever it is to speak up for myself. Mainly because others have beaten that out of me - psychologically and physically.
Others have seen fit to deliberately cause harm to me for most of my life - because I don't go along with their stupid rules and expectations. I don't like games, I don't do small talk, I don't do silly jokes. So, even if I'm being myself, I'm in the wrong.
Who can I be, then?
Wow! All praise and understanding there then :( so sad x
Nope it’s ok. I’m just terrible in groups so I have nothing else to say. I’m a one on one type of person - I love meaningful solving conversations that bring out purpose and clear point and solution to problems (which people say I’m good at giving advice to others but to myself is almost impossible)
You're a wise old warrior. ()()()()
Hi spotty thank you, I feel The pain of others and that pain can cause me to regress to when I was feeling pain.
()()().x
Dogsbody,we cannot save everyone,but if I can help just one person then it gives a justification for my being here.
A big virtual group hug just for being us.()()()()()().
) ( said:If anything my experiences have taught me to listen to others and give help and understanding to who ever I can.
Me too. Strangely. Because for many years, after school, I hated people. But now I realise that even the worst bullies are tortured people.
I admire all of your strength and honesty. ()()()
Apologies to jtk101 for taking over your post,maybe it will give you some feeling of not being so different?
Some of us have deep issues which sometimes over ride forum etiquette.
I am sorry if my recollections have upset anyone but the need to unload overcomes sometimes.
To Robert and dogsbody, we are survivors.
If anything my experiences have taught me to listen to others and give help and understanding to who ever I can.
You would think we all should have become physcopaths,but we are in fact more self aware and understanding than the majority of NT people.
Thank you for sharing even though it brought back bad memories,it helps to off load and know I wasn’t the only child who didn’t fit.
much love to all.
I get that but hope you don't disappear Dogsbody.
The 'Social Studies' comment is very revealing. If you don't understand what is being said, it could so easily mean that the teacher isn't making him or herself intelligible. That was mainly my experience. I didn't know what the f*** they were talking about for most of the time.
I was also born in 62. So that report was When I was 8.
I think my mutism was physiological not physical.
I also had the extra problem that my parents were not English and never spoke English at home.
So I started school 3 months late (a neighbour became concerned why I was in the garden playing alone and she registered me with the local school).
So I started school, not understanding any thing that was being said to me. And it was absolute hell. I didn't communicate or play with other children. At break time I was alone often crying. And for some unknown reason I just didn't speak at all at school for the first 3 years or so.
I think I need to be profoundly quiet on the subject now. I've said my piece of it.
You and the others are so quietly profound. It's very affecting.