Published on 12, July, 2020
Since my diagnosis, one woman at work has gone out of her way to seemingly belittle my condition.
She constantly says that I am 'getting away with things' and that as a woman she suffers far more and has far more problems than me. She says that period pains and the menopause would make my autism seem very trivial.
Not being a woman, I do not know how these things are. My attitude in the past has always been that trying to have a battle between conditions as to which is worse is pointless. But perhaps some of the female autistics here could tell me whether their autism has a greater effect on them than their 'womens problems' or vice versa. I certainly do not want to belittle the things that women have to put up with and never would.
I think my work colleague is somehow 'jealous' of the fact I have a support worker and have had my work changed in order to accommodate my autistic tendencies. Could this be the case?
Maybe suggest to her to try and get the support she feels may help her? Perhaps there is something she can think of and being a union rep you may be in a position to argue it for her.
I don't mean to offend you, but if you say her condition (well, assuming that it's hers) is accepted as a normal part of being half of the human race then you are being just as ignorant. There are plenty of women who feel a bit under the weather with some mild discomfort, then there are some who would feel pretty bad but can control it with painkillers and function reasonably normal and then there are some who do feel really rubbish to the point of vomiting and passing out, no matter how much pills they take, especially if they have endometriosis where the kind of tissue that should only line the inside of the womb is found in other places too. It's tricky to diagnose though and although it can be treated with surgery that's often not very effective, particularly in the long term. There are more reasons of course and it's also possible that there's no reason to be found and it's still pretty bad. For the time I'm hanging over the loo I certainly think that's worse than not being able to show positive feelings, hide negative ones, deal with being hurt, get stressed about not finishing what I had planned to do... It's just two entirely different kind of things. Why whatever she gets makes her think that you don't deserve the support you get is a bit beyond me, but maybe she's just really frustrated with her issues. In that case someone showing a bit of understanding or willingness to gain understanding may help, it doesn't matter that you are a man because many women will also not understand it, despite being convinced they do, that adds to the frustration.
Yes unfortunately I am ignorant in this. I cannot put others in my shoes very easily at all, I tend to put myself in theirs (and I think there is a difference!) It is very difficult for me, I cannot imagine at all what 'happens' inside in this situation, all as I can imagine is the physical and from experience know that some women get very 'moody' every month, and then I wonder what is wrong. Yes, I know the biology of the thing but this is not the issue, but imagining what it is like and how it affects women inside is totally beyond my comprehension. Her remarks make me feel very guilty, and not being able to understand makes it worse.
And this is what really makes any response I give difficult and liable to be misinterpreted. Is pmt something like an autistic meltdown? I don't know, how could I know?. And it really confuses me! "Emotional intelligence" was never my strong point! Her remarks make me feel very guilty, and not being able to understand makes it worse.