Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello all,been doing a fair bit of talking to my dear wife just lately and keep coming up with lots of strange things that don't add up.
I can remember times that were not nice but very little happiness, I realise most people forget things about childhood especially when my age 54.
I had issues and when I got into my late teens I theorised I had dyslexic traits,it answered many questions but not all,it helped me go forward in life.fast forward 54 years and I find out about autism,it was a revelation in my life,it was my life.
I thought my dyslexia idea must be wrong but recently found that there can be a connection.
After talking about My recollections my wife says "are you sure as that doesn't make sense?" Things I never gave much credence too.
I was born in 1962 and things were different then.
For instance I do remember always being at home with mum or waiting for a bus to go shopping,nothing strange about that, but I had a younger sister and a brother who was only eighteen months older! So where were they? Why was I at home so often?
I was kept back at infant school and the kids I knew all left to go to big school, I was told it was because my birthday was early September. I was the oldest child from then on I also had a school full of strange new faces. I don't remember much about infant school,mostly teachers shouting at me,making me cry for not doing my work,being lazy or not concentrating,
I do remember some happy times but so few.being allowed to go collect our milk from the staff room with a sack truck.being in the big shed helping the caretaker clean out cages for hamsters rabbits etc,he was deaf and dumb but we got on ok.
I remember being in one class sat on the floor drawing around shapes,tins boxes but nothing free hand,the other kids were sat working with the teacher but I was not involved?
I also remember bits of a family meeting that ended with my whole family in tears,we stormed out and I was then told how it was all my fault? I wasn't upset until my siblings started saying I didn't care as I wasn't upset.
There are so many things that don't add up but I have a big question and hope I can word it so as not to upset anyone here.
Say for instance if I had been non verbal? Or just unable to function normally? Maybe in a world of my own? Back then labelled as retarded. There are a lot worse words which I don't want to put on here but back then there weren't any options.
So are there any adults here that basically knew nothing of the issues they had when young? It's as if I only woke up later in school.
Could I have been so poor functioning and not known it?
A big for instance was when I went to big school, All the kids were getting excited and I asked"why are you all excited and packing everything away?" The reply was "it's Friday!" I asked what that was about? The response was "are you thick or what?we get the weekend off". I asked why was that,was it holiday time?. I was laughed at and ridiculed by the kids.
I had no recollection of weekends! I had no concept of time. Life was one big blur of hurt and no understanding.
I hope I haven't put something that causes hurt but I have tried to explain.
many thanks.
I have many memories of school, almost all of them of a nightmare-ish quality. I remember when i was very young at Infant school, i always tried to be a good kid. I really thought i was being well behaved. But i seemed to inspire such hatred from the teachers. They were often shouting at me, they got right in my face and held me tightly by the arm. It was terrifying. Looking back it makes me sad that adults would feel anger when looking at a small child that is crying and trying to hide. Seems astonishing to me. I was (and still am) very slow at physical tasks, like getting changed, so PE was a right pain! Just trying to get my coat from the cloakroom was a big ask because there were so many other children in there. Dinner-times were usually disasters too with foods that were too hot or of alarming textures. Mostly at that age the other children kept away from me. I don't think i currently have the energy to describe my memories of Secondary school. However, i would say that i enjoyed my childhood overall because i got on very well with both my sisters, so i am very grateful for that.
Similar memories here.
School was a nightmare and I missed so much of it because I couldn't cope with it.
Hated PE. Problems with school dinners, although my mother was responsible. Warning me, not to eat this and not to eat that etc. She had food obsessions and phobias. And she tried to transfer that on to me.
First special school I attended was a disaster,. I got thrown out due to not fitting in. There was irony there which I will not go into.
Second special school I went to was enjoyable but no teaching took place. I have previously described it on this site.
In fact by the age of 12 I was in my 7th school.
Wow, seven schools by 12. That must have been really disruptive. And to be asked to leave a special school, that's not a good message for a child. Sorry to hear about all that, seems you had a lot of horrible stuff to face.
Well decided to resurrect yet another very old post I did, recently I have been having a lot of flash back memories from when I was young,,,,none pleasant, in fact some bought me to tears as the sudden sharp imagery flashed up in my head, ouch ouch.
I will possibly post more but it is late.
thank you if you made it this far.
x()x
r-118.
v-3334.
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date-30/12/2017 time 04:50.