Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello all,been doing a fair bit of talking to my dear wife just lately and keep coming up with lots of strange things that don't add up.
I can remember times that were not nice but very little happiness, I realise most people forget things about childhood especially when my age 54.
I had issues and when I got into my late teens I theorised I had dyslexic traits,it answered many questions but not all,it helped me go forward in life.fast forward 54 years and I find out about autism,it was a revelation in my life,it was my life.
I thought my dyslexia idea must be wrong but recently found that there can be a connection.
After talking about My recollections my wife says "are you sure as that doesn't make sense?" Things I never gave much credence too.
I was born in 1962 and things were different then.
For instance I do remember always being at home with mum or waiting for a bus to go shopping,nothing strange about that, but I had a younger sister and a brother who was only eighteen months older! So where were they? Why was I at home so often?
I was kept back at infant school and the kids I knew all left to go to big school, I was told it was because my birthday was early September. I was the oldest child from then on I also had a school full of strange new faces. I don't remember much about infant school,mostly teachers shouting at me,making me cry for not doing my work,being lazy or not concentrating,
I do remember some happy times but so few.being allowed to go collect our milk from the staff room with a sack truck.being in the big shed helping the caretaker clean out cages for hamsters rabbits etc,he was deaf and dumb but we got on ok.
I remember being in one class sat on the floor drawing around shapes,tins boxes but nothing free hand,the other kids were sat working with the teacher but I was not involved?
I also remember bits of a family meeting that ended with my whole family in tears,we stormed out and I was then told how it was all my fault? I wasn't upset until my siblings started saying I didn't care as I wasn't upset.
There are so many things that don't add up but I have a big question and hope I can word it so as not to upset anyone here.
Say for instance if I had been non verbal? Or just unable to function normally? Maybe in a world of my own? Back then labelled as retarded. There are a lot worse words which I don't want to put on here but back then there weren't any options.
So are there any adults here that basically knew nothing of the issues they had when young? It's as if I only woke up later in school.
Could I have been so poor functioning and not known it?
A big for instance was when I went to big school, All the kids were getting excited and I asked"why are you all excited and packing everything away?" The reply was "it's Friday!" I asked what that was about? The response was "are you thick or what?we get the weekend off". I asked why was that,was it holiday time?. I was laughed at and ridiculed by the kids.
I had no recollection of weekends! I had no concept of time. Life was one big blur of hurt and no understanding.
I hope I haven't put something that causes hurt but I have tried to explain.
many thanks.
Memories of early childhood!
I'm now 55.
I can identify with many of the stories people have written above. Such as feeling detached from other children and seeing life through a kind of mental fog.
Other memories are just plain horrific, such as being dragged up stone stairs by my father by my ears, like a rag doll with the skin on my legs being torn off as my legs hit the edges of the stairs.
Also not having any friends either at home or school.
The only school I felt comfortable in was a 'special' school I attended for a year when I was 9 years old.
Robert124 said:Such as feeling detached from other children
The no friends thing does seem to be a very common thing,I had one friend and we were closer than any brothers,he suddenly became "normal" and found a girl he liked,later married her and had children,I still felt betrayed? Strange thing to say but how I felt,I was actually dumped!
I went round his house as I often did,sat there most of the evening waiting and wondering,his mum finally turned to me and said"has he not told you he has a girlfriend and I don't think he will be back until very late" He hadn't said a word to me,maybe I could have accepted it if he had. No nothing,I was no longer needed end of.we met roughly aged 11 and seperated at 19.
I have no friends now and don't want any unless they have my interests,my hobbies and think like me! But they would probably come with baggage that I don't need, as in family,other friends,hobbies that I find boring like football.
not worth the hassle.
glad to hear you both joining in here albeit not happy things,
take care.
Well I haven’t much to add to memories of being young but wanted to relive some precious moments or what I now call “fond memories”.
Recently I have been struggling with things in my head, lots happening and trying to cope hasn’t been easy,
So I decided to come back here where everything ended with such positive comments and much friendship and banter.
The heartfelt comments towards me are very healing,they were then and are more so now.
It would be so nice if some one started a thread for non serious ramblings of mixed up kind people. A place to unwind or just share life experiences.
Feel free to add to here if you want or just ramble if you choose.
My mind has quietened after rereading the varied replies on here.
thank you everybody who contributed. Friends.
x
Goodnight everyone.
Yes really chuffed so far. Hadn't realised how much it needed doing. The white is white and the colours warm but softer than I had before. I have picture rails in all the rooms so every room is white above that. Still a bit left to do on Monday. But for once it was a good decision!!
Mmmmmm....planting flowers in holes...
so, the new decor good?
Yes we need humour to do that when we remember! x
All good stuff...it helps to balance out the down times...and level the scales x
And I love cringingly the two soups sketch and I also love the two Ronnies 4 forks sketch but Billy can get me laughing out loud I watch him on YouTube sometimes. Yes all sorts of 4 and 4xtra make me smile.. or cringe.
Love Monty Python and Victoria Wood. Billy is just crazy Billy....a soul set free.
love the Goon Show on the radio (and others)
beat me on the bottom with a Women's Weekly....plus...what time is it Eccles...the latter really pushes ASD logic! Lol
Lol! Monty python , billy Connolly, Victoria wood, antics of pets & innocence of youth is a good one, some comedy on the radio
The futility of life?
a crazy pet cat?
innocence of youth?
anarchy
skapstick
hysteria
I read other people's lives on here some much more challenging than mine and I write about my own. Then I look at what I've written and think I should be doing so much more to help myself and make use of all the good advice on here but I just feel exhausted and stuck and continue to make one mistake after the other. Then I think how selfish to share my despair and use other people's energy to soak it up. I even rang to make an apt with my Gp but they are away for an extended time so can't talk to her either. I've had bad patches before it will change just as it's done before..
ok what makes you laugh?
Lol....you ok?
Yes I did think of that but it was too funny!