Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello all,been doing a fair bit of talking to my dear wife just lately and keep coming up with lots of strange things that don't add up.
I can remember times that were not nice but very little happiness, I realise most people forget things about childhood especially when my age 54.
I had issues and when I got into my late teens I theorised I had dyslexic traits,it answered many questions but not all,it helped me go forward in life.fast forward 54 years and I find out about autism,it was a revelation in my life,it was my life.
I thought my dyslexia idea must be wrong but recently found that there can be a connection.
After talking about My recollections my wife says "are you sure as that doesn't make sense?" Things I never gave much credence too.
I was born in 1962 and things were different then.
For instance I do remember always being at home with mum or waiting for a bus to go shopping,nothing strange about that, but I had a younger sister and a brother who was only eighteen months older! So where were they? Why was I at home so often?
I was kept back at infant school and the kids I knew all left to go to big school, I was told it was because my birthday was early September. I was the oldest child from then on I also had a school full of strange new faces. I don't remember much about infant school,mostly teachers shouting at me,making me cry for not doing my work,being lazy or not concentrating,
I do remember some happy times but so few.being allowed to go collect our milk from the staff room with a sack truck.being in the big shed helping the caretaker clean out cages for hamsters rabbits etc,he was deaf and dumb but we got on ok.
I remember being in one class sat on the floor drawing around shapes,tins boxes but nothing free hand,the other kids were sat working with the teacher but I was not involved?
I also remember bits of a family meeting that ended with my whole family in tears,we stormed out and I was then told how it was all my fault? I wasn't upset until my siblings started saying I didn't care as I wasn't upset.
There are so many things that don't add up but I have a big question and hope I can word it so as not to upset anyone here.
Say for instance if I had been non verbal? Or just unable to function normally? Maybe in a world of my own? Back then labelled as retarded. There are a lot worse words which I don't want to put on here but back then there weren't any options.
So are there any adults here that basically knew nothing of the issues they had when young? It's as if I only woke up later in school.
Could I have been so poor functioning and not known it?
A big for instance was when I went to big school, All the kids were getting excited and I asked"why are you all excited and packing everything away?" The reply was "it's Friday!" I asked what that was about? The response was "are you thick or what?we get the weekend off". I asked why was that,was it holiday time?. I was laughed at and ridiculed by the kids.
I had no recollection of weekends! I had no concept of time. Life was one big blur of hurt and no understanding.
I hope I haven't put something that causes hurt but I have tried to explain.
many thanks.
Happy Birthday Lonewarrior. Hope you have a good day and lots of real hugs. Thank you for the help you have given me on this forum. I like flowers but you like tools so sending tools for your birthday ️
Oh missy I thank you so very much,I had a nice hug from my wife this morning and when I got home,This morning as I was driving into our works one of the other gangs were coming out in their van,they pulled up to me wound down the window and said"by the way!happy birthday mate and have a great day",both men said it in unison,obviously planned it.That meant so much to me,It put a big smile on my face and set me up for the day, I get very emotional when any of the workers does something for me without any prompting from me,when I get the right mix of guys on my site my whole attitude changes, I can relax and not stress over unimportant things, yes I stress everyday and often all day,It's what I'm used to though,I thrive on stress,it kind of kicks me into action?
I did get one other hug but it needs explaining! The girl at work who looks after the bosses horses is a wonderful girl,I told her about my autism and at first she didn't believe me as she attended school in her country with autistics,dyslexics and pretty much every other perceived difference.After I explained that the person she thought was me was in fact"worker "polite but jovial,when I told her about the real me her whole attitude changed,she is dyslexic,I explained I have never hugged anyone,I have been hugged but not through choice,I told her how I really wanted to hug her for being such a nice person,"ok then" she said "you can hug me!" I don't hug females and only recently have braved hugging one or two long term work mates.we agreed on a handshake. Today I got a very nice meaningful handshake from her,not many words but made me feel so great.
Phew had to tell someone! I got spoiled by my wife,a nice camera and lots of other things to,she really knows me well.
I love anything mechanical,always have.My Bobbie is to buy cheap rusty tools that others pass by and get them back to better than new,As an experiment I set to polishing a spike hammer head,every now and then I get stuck into it,nearly there!cannot quite see my reflection but it will happen eventually. It focuses my mind and I get satisfaction,also it is a solitary hobby Lol.
loving the little icon things,
missy you deserve all the help I have to offer and more as you do so very much for so many people on here.
Oh yeah last bit! I like to think this day is special because 55 years ago my beautiful mother gave me life,it is her special day,I still miss her so much but know she would be smiling down at me.Now mum did give me hugs and cuddles.
big hug lovely missy.().
Really glad you had a good day. Your team at work sound nice. Hope you enjoy the camera. I grew up being surrounded by tools and I like the old ones too. Hope you enjoy your evening and maybe your wife not at work so late tonight. Big hugs
Back at you Spotty () () () ()
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Awwww! Might restrict my snorkelling capacity though.... you are such a sweetie x
Forgot to give you this Ellie,be sure to keep it well above the water,held up high.
Oh Spotty hope sofa time soothed you again Well done for getting through it. Hope you enjoyed the bass lesson. How was your day Ellie? I was gardening this morning and had a quiet day. Chuffed to bits with the decorating so far.
Trunk just above the water line...but beware the undertow...making iffy noises also x
Thanks Ellie, I still make iffy noises. Hope you have your trunk above water. x
Oooh a flower, thank you! Proper in your face contact lens check, even had to get the optician to take them in and out because I was too shakey. Ahhhh. Survived.